The Introvert Blogs

Welcome to my new blog. This blog is about being introverted, living introverted and the joys and challenges that come from being introverted.

I myself am an introvert, and I actually enjoy my introverted life (gasp!). I know, we’re all supposed to hate being introverted and try to change. What a crock. We’re fine the way we are. Sure, it’s not always easy, because we’re far outnumbered by overly enthusiastic and boisterous extroverts, but I’m pretty confident that we can handle it. Plus, we can help extroverts understand us better. Then they wouldn’t get so freaked out because they don’t get us. By the way, this isn’t a bash the extrovert blog – most of the people I love are extroverts – it’s just a matter of numbers.

I think a good place to start is to recall a post I wrote quite some time ago, for a now defunct blog.

The Difference Between Shyness and Introversion

It has long bothered me that introverts are somehow assumed to be shy. I’m quite sure that some introverts are shy, but introversion is not a prerequisite for shyness, and the two don’t automatically go hand in hand. I am extremely introverted, but not shy in the least. I give speeches to groups with only the same slight nervousness that everyone gets before speaking on a stage. I meet new people with no problem, and am more than capable of carrying on a lively conversation with a stranger. I have acted in plays (well, that was a hundred years ago) and even been a dancing shepherd in our church Christmas pageant. The dancing part was my idea, and I didn’t mean it to be irreverent, so relax if you’re having a fit right now. What I’m trying to say is that it may be a common misconception that all introverted people are shy, but it’s a misconception that needs to go away. Shyness as a description for one’s behavior is an over-used word anyway. When my 8 year old step daughter backs away from some strange adult trying to butter her up and get a hug, she’s not being shy. She might be protecting her personal space, or she may not like the person and wishes them to get the hell away from her. That’s not being shy.

So why does shyness and introversion always get lumped together? I believe it’s because many of the outward actions of a shy person look very much the same as things an introvert might do (or not do) when they are trying to protect their space, or have tired of social activity, or are simply not feeling in a participatory mood. Shy people will avoid eye contact and speak quietly or not at all when they are feeling uncomfortable. Most introverts are OK with eye contact and speaking their mind when they feel the need to, but if they are tired or not interested in what’s going on, they might seem quite disengaged. This can be mistaken for shyness. Introverts enjoy alone time and will seek it out when tired or they have spent too much time socializing. Shy people do this because they are afraid of interaction with others. At a party or social event, an introvert may sit on the sidelines observing. That’s fine with the introvert – they aren’t unhappy this way. A shy person may be on the sidelines, but desperately unhappy because they would like to interact with others, but don’t know how, or are afraid to. See the difference? When an introvert is ready to interact, they just get up and do so.

I’ve been accused of being shy so many times I can’t count them. What people are calling shy is just me pulling back when there is too much going on. I don’t like constant noise and activity and chaos. No true introvert does, except in small doses. That’s why many introverts loathe the holidays. It’s not because we’re Scrooges, it’s because the holidays exhaust us!

Shy people can be introverted or extroverted. Shyness is a fear of social situations, meeting new people, shaking new hands, speaking to crowds, having to perform and so on. Shy people are painfully afraid of rejection. There are ways to work on one’s shyness in order to better and more happily function in the world, and a shy person should pursue these if their shyness is causing them distress.

Introverts, on the other hand, just need to be better understood.

In the future, my blogs will only occasionally hearken back to blogs of old (like days of old, or days of yore – what is yore anyway?). We’ll cover more ground and move forward. Until then, if you’re an introvert and struggling, take heart – you only need to learn to understand and appreciate your own unique ways.

See you soon.