How to Understand/Live With an Introvert

photo: Natalie Maynor

You’re an extrovert. Your partner, child, roommate, or some other person who lives in your dwelling is an introvert. You are baffled, and a little alarmed (and maybe irritated) by your introverted person’s strange ways.

He or she likes things quiet, retreats for hours at a time to be alone, thinks nothing of not talking, and seems to get irritated if you talk too much. Your introvert looks at you like you just climbed out of a swamp when you suggest inviting friends over. What’s wrong with this person?

First of all, there’s nothing wrong with either of you. You just happen to be different when it comes to communicating, socializing and replenishing your energy.

Here are some things to know about introverts:

• We’re naturally more quiet and less demonstrative than extroverts. It doesn’t mean we’re angry or upset.
• We have to recharge ourselves quietly – usually alone, or at least in a quiet and peaceful setting, doing something quiet and peaceful.
• Too much noise and activity drain our energy stores leaving us feeling fatigued and worse.
• We generally use fewer words than extroverts and avoid long conversations about things that just don’t matter (hint: a long explanation of how a Starbuck’s Strawberry Frapuccino tastes is not necessary).
• We don’t like interruptions and most of us aren’t fond of surprises, as in: Surprise, I invited people over tonight for game night – go get ready!
• If given a choice between staying home for the evening or going to a big party, we’ll almost always pick staying at home.
• We’re calm on the outside, and usually on the inside (sort of). We don’t like drama.
• As a group, introverts are highly intelligent and creative.

What does this mean to you if you’re an extrovert living with one of us?

• Please demonstrate understanding towards the differences in our personalities. A smart introvert will do the same for you.
• Introversion is normal – about 25% of the population is introverted.
• It doesn’t mean we’re shy, anti-social or secretly plotting to take over the Earth.
• We don’t really get you either, but because there are more of you and you’re more vocal and demonstrative, we have a better basic idea of what you’re about.
• Introversion and extroversion are most likely determined genetically. Then our experiences throughout life shape us even more.
• We’re not lonely or unhappy because we’re introverted. Most of us really like being introverts. If we’re unhappy or lonely, it’s for a different reason. You don’t have to feel bad for us.
• If you get us talking about or involved in something we’re really passionate about, we seem amazingly like extroverts. Until we’re done. Then we’re amazingly like introverts again.
• We don’t need to be changed.
• If you try to understand us and meet us in the middle, we’ll do the same for you.
• We know that you like to talk and socialize and we respect that – maybe it’s time to figure out how we can get along and work together on accommodating both of our personality types.

Hope this helps.

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