Are Introverts Lucky? Maybe No, Maybe Yes.
photo:kaibara87
I was reading the latest issue (February 2009) of the Oprah magazine a couple evenings ago. I like the magazine a lot. There is always a lot of uplifting and hopeful stuff in every issue. There are colorful recommendations for all the cool new cosmetic things that women are attracted to (I don’t consider myself a cosmetic or fashion hound at all, but I like looking at the stuff). There is always an interview with someone whose life is certainly more interesting and eventful than mine. Actually, that might not be true – we assume the famous and semi-famous have more interesting lives – their lives are just different. But I’m starting to ramble. Anyway, there’s a lot of good stuff in the O Magazine.
So there I was, in my pajamas, waiting to drift off to sleep, propped up on a couple pillows when I came across an article titled How to Get Lucky. I was pretty sure it had little to do with picking up someone at bar, and I was right, more or less. It was about how people determine their own good fortune (at least we mostly do).
It was a good article. Except I was disappointed to come away with the impression that the writer, and even the researcher who was quoted in the article felt that being introverted put a person at a disadvantage for experiencing a lucky life. The implication was that if one isn’t outward-focused, one will most certainly miss valuable opportunities and therefore, be less lucky. OK. I can sort of see this. But wait, no I really can’t. I’m still tossing this whole thing around in my head – a very introverted thing to do. It’s been tossed for two days now.
First, there are different kinds of luck. Think for a while about that and see if you can come up with some. There are also different kinds of bad luck. Again – give it some thought. What the article itself is talking about is missed luck (at least I think that’s what it’s talking about).
What do introverts miss in the way of luck? The article says that because we are so inward focused, we miss making connections that could lead to love or jobs or friendship or whatever other good things might come from meeting and knowing a lot of people. OK, I’m following that, but I’m not happy with this assertion at all. Because to me, it tells me that in order to have success, I need to be extroverted. In my own mind, this whole thing just keeps spinning around. I don’t think I agree with this.
I do understand that if you’re looking for something, you have to open your eyes, and you have to open yourself. Extroverts are almost always in this state naturally. Introverts aren’t. But I still am not buying the whole “introverts are not as lucky because they spend so much time looking inside” idea. I’m thinking in some ways, that gives us an advantage because when we do choose to look outside of ourselves for anything, we’re doing it from the stance of, “OK, I’m doing this for a purpose. Not just because I can’t figure out what else to do.”
I’ve heard from introverts who feel like their life is less than it could be if only they were extroverts – that life has dealt them a bum hand because they turned out introverted. Um, somebody’s toes are going to get stepped on here, but you know what? I am willing to bet the dollar in my pocket that if the same people were extroverts, they’d still think their life was less than it could be.
While writing this, I can feel myself getting impatient with this subject, so that means it’s really got something going in me. What is it?
Here it is. I’ve got a good life. It’s a lucky life. But it hasn’t always been lucky. There have been some downright lousy things that have happened in it. Even today, this minute, there are things that I am unhappy about and regret. But I wouldn’t want to be in anyone else’s shoes. I have extroverted friends that, in spite of the connections they have, are having a terrible time in certain aspects of their lives. I have introverted friends that are living lives that they’re thrilled with. And vice versa. Luck is luck. Everyone gets his or her share of good and bad. I think it’s how we look at it, use it and learn from it that makes the difference.
Connections are important. I’m not going to tell you they aren’t. They are vitally important when you’re trying to get that job, or looking for love or trying to get set up a strong marketing plan for your book. If an introvert moans and groans that he or she has to make connections to get something, my advice is to stop complaining and use your creative mind and your intelligence to do it. You’re not going to magically become an extrovert and why would you want to anyway?
What I’m saying here is that all of us, for the most part, do make our own luck. And sometimes that requires us to creep out of our comfort zone. You don’t think that extroverts have to suffer by getting out of their own comfort zone sometimes? They do! When an extrovert finally realizes that there is a soul on the inside that needs to be searched in order to make his or her own life better (create luck), that extrovert is getting out of that comfy place that he or she likes to be in.
So thanks, O Magazine. Even though I think the article was a tad off center by the allegation that introverts miss out on luck, it made me think.
And in case you were wondering, this is what I think: preoccupied people miss out on luck. People who are scared to soften their own boundaries for what they’re willing to explore miss out on luck. People who have a negative mindset miss out on luck. All of these can happen to either introverts or extroverts.
Somebody comment on this. This post feels bigger than it’s body, and I am not sure I did justice to the idea that was in my head.
Great post and interesting topic. Admittedly, I have been one of those who at times have wondered if my life would be more successful if I were more extroverted. Like you mentioned, on the surface it seems that extroversion leaves one open to more opportunities. Networking, parties and meetings are often stepping stones to better jobs and new relationships. On the other hand, luck is a two way street. That new job you land may take you away from your family, stress you out and leave you wondering what might have been. So much for good luck.
I will say that the power of introspection, which must be stronger with introverts, has really helped me understand what I really want. Being able to ask yourself “will this be good for me?” is just as important as finding an opening. Sometimes luck is knowing when to let a tempting opportunity pass on by.
On a side note, my guess is that the article in question was written from the viewpoint of “Oh those poor introverts don’t know what they’re missing.” Thus, grain of salt, etc.
I’m going to have to go buy a copy of the magazine now! I’m curious about the article, but it’s probably one of the ones I would skip over if you hadn’t discussed it here. I love Oprah, she’s done a lot of good things in the world and helped a lot of people see their lives in a better light, but when she gets into “The Secret” and all that mumbo jumbo she loses me. I can see that people who are positive and live their lives wisely generally do better than a lot of people who are negative and foolish, but as for the Law of Attraction? I’m not buying it. From what you’ve said about the article it seems to be more in the Law of Attraction vein. I agree with you- the luck/happiness we find in our lives has less to do with being extroverted or introverted and more to do with the total package of who we are.
Another general observation about making contacts and networking, since it’s on my mind both because of your post and because they were talking about it on NPR a few minutes ago- I think it’s gotten a lot easier for the introverts of the world thanks to the internet. We can interact via computer from the privacy of our own homes- Facebook and blogs and e-mail lists and so on- we can get to know all sorts of people without having to go to a single party or hang out anywhere! How great is that!?!
@Glen – I agree that our ability to be deeply introspective does help us to avoid some potential disappointments rather than latching on to every “opportunity” that comes along. It’s a huge gift that we have!
I have to stress that the article wasn’t really a “poor introvert” thing as much as it seemed there was just an assumption that we miss out on things because we aren’t paying enough attention to what goes on around us.
Thanks for your comment. I always appreciate your thoughts!
@Kim S – I do love Oprah. I don’t even mind the Secret stuff (I have my own theories about that topic, too). The article focused on how people make commitments to themselves to see (or be open to) opportunities – to not assume that “nothing’s going to happen today”. The attitude that something good could be waiting around the corner or someone cool might sit next to me on a plane. I totally get that.
And I agree with the assertion that the Internet has helped introverts in some ways. When I was in the “real” working world and looking for a new job, I got one by sending out an email to everyone I knew (a much shorter list that an extroverts would be, by the way), and found a job within a week.
Thanks for your input – I appreciate it!
The interesting thing to me is that the thing that I have grown to value the most, and find that I feel most lucky about is that I am introverted. I will attest to the fact I have not always recognized this, but I understand more and more each day that my introversion actually makes me great at my job, and furthermore adds a dimension in general to my life that I can’t imagine living with out.
So the article seems to be written by an extrovert with little or no concept of the many gifts an introverted soul enjoys, and more importantly that a number of these souls feel blessed by the fact they do possess such gifts.
I like to think that the introspection leads to more focus in selection of contacts, so, in the end, maybe you don’t have as many, or, I’ll concede, even the right ones, but you’ll have good ones. Sort of like what Glen said. And then, at that point, once you think about that a bit, you realise that thinking ‘what if I talked to more people at that party, would I have a job?’ or whatever the situation, means basically that you’re going back in time to consider what would happen if you picked door #1 instead of door #2, which is a total exercise in futility.
I would agree that the Internet definitely helps, especially as a filter point for finding meaningful conversations and similar interest groups.
On a lighter note, if I were in your position, for sure I would be yelling at the magazine. Yes, the physical magazine. And anyone around would probably be giving me some strange looks. It seems like it really got the mental gears going, though. I love when that happens!
PS. I have no idea what all of this ‘Secret’ talk is, which means Oprah must be doing a pretty good job of keeping it so. Always scheming, she is.
How ludicrous.
If anything, introverts can be luckier. Let me comment on just one: making connections. The benefit in being an introvert about making connections is that inward focus helps us to be absolutely clear about the connection we want. We don’t usually go about just wanting to meet EVERYONE. If we want a new client, inside we get clear about who that client is; if we want a new job we know what we want in a job. That is making your own luck happen more clearly as opposed to go about – whoever I meet is great. I don’t buy or subscribe to this magazine and you’ve done the article review justice it seems to me.
Great post.
Patricia Weber
Business Sales Accelerator Coach
Sales Tips for Introverts and Shy
Interesting, and yes, I follow your thought process and I enjoyed reading this Lee Ann! I don’t want extroverts to be more lucky, and I don’t think they are… Because is “luck” not also very associated with “chance” = by mere accident? And how could anyone avoid /miss out on that? Just a thought. Thanks for looking out for us!
Before discovering I’m introverted I can honestly say I’ve been successful in everything I set out to accomplish and most of my goals. My goal has never been to be extroverted or all the “trappings” that come along with it. I know what I like and don’t like. And I don’t believe in luck. Being introverted allows me to focus on my inner strenghts and depend on my ability to “make” things happen as opposed to hopeing something with happen depending on who I know, where I go, or what I do in the eyes of others. Introverts are the “winds beneath the wings” of those who believe in us and trust our steady hardcore faith in ourselves and our goals. This is a great post. Thanks.
@Heath – I too feel lucky to be introverted. And it is that dimension, which for me is access to a rich inner life and the ability to look inside to find out what is really best for me, that makes me feel lucky. Thanks so much for your comment!
@Chad – You’re right. We have a wonderful capability to think before acting, and pick and choose who we make connections with. I think too that introverts probably spend less time second guessing themselves because we tend towards thinking something through before taking action. Thanks for your insightful comment!
@Patricia – Yes, you’ve hit the nail on the head, and your comment is summing up what it seems that we all feel. We have a vast inner resource that allows us the power to make very pinpointed and purposeful decisions and connections. Thanks, and great to hear from you!
@iHanna – You make a good point here. “Luck” and chance can be closely related. We can make our own luck to a certain point, and then also take advantage of the chance opportunities that present themselves. Thanks for your comment and for reading!
@Jeffery Bradley – Thanks for commenting! You’re pointing out that inner focus (which is one of our strong suits) is one of the skills we can use to create a positive result in life. That inner focus leads to an outer focus that is how we guide ourselves in taking action toward that positive result.
Very thought provoking!
I am sitting here reflecting on the definition of luck. My guess is that it means something different to each individual. Society often defines it as either monetary or social success. Not surprising since we live in a world dominated by extroverts. It seems that the author feels sorry for us. My opinion is that the article has too narrow a focus.
Someone once told me that, “the harder he worked, the luckier he got”. Moving ahead in an extroverted world is a lot of work for we inwardly focused souls. We just have to push ourselves harder at times to achieve our goals.
I love your suggestion that we use our creativity to create our own luck. The term “luck” is overrated. Everything I have achieved has been from hard work, not luck.
Roger
I found this post because I’d noticed myself pitying extroverts and did a google search wondering if anyone else had noticed how lucky introverts how.
Really, we are very lucky. The fact that we can be at peace while alone is truly a blessing. The fact that socializing drains our energy is an obvious downside, but if you could get rid of that, would you, if it meant that being by yourself would be agonizing?
I’m looking to be self-employed, so I read a lot of blogs about self-employment, personal finance, and personal development. You’d be surprised how many times I’ve seen people concerned about (or furiously dismissing) self-employment because they can’t stand the idea of life without co-workers. Seriously! They’re not spending 2000 hours a year working for someone else for the money, but for the co-workers! Friends outside of work aren’t enough. And the finance sites are always trying to help people conquer their urges to buy something others will admire them for. Their extroversion is truly making it harder for them.
@ Cyllya – Thanks for adding your thoughts here! It’s amazing to me that extroverts would value working at a job for the extra interaction it brings them. I love being self-employed. It allows me to decide when and how I am going to be social.
I had not looked at this topic from this angle. We don’t seek out all that extra attention, interaction and admiration.