Comments on: Can Being Introverted Hurt Your Relationships? http://livingintroverted.com/blog3/2009/03/04/can-being-introverted-hurt-your-relationships/ Embracing and Enjoying the Introverted Life Thu, 18 Mar 2010 01:21:09 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: LiB http://livingintroverted.com/blog3/2009/03/04/can-being-introverted-hurt-your-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-4513 LiB Mon, 15 Mar 2010 14:01:55 +0000 http://livingintroverted.com/blog3/2009/03/04/can-being-introverted-hurt-your-relationships/#comment-4513 Well being an introvert is such a pain...for me..where sometimes it can be hard to express my feeling..where the other partner would conclude or assume it differently... Lets say that, an introverted guy having a crush with a gurl in class or anywhere they used to meet...(whom the girl is with normal personality)...It seems that the girl had shown keen interest with the guy..by doing wat should be done...but the guy??..not even making a single baby step towards the girl. fear,shyness,awkwardness and everything that is possible would come to the mind of the guy...lol certainly the gurl will lose interest sooner or later... I would say that most introverts love to have passionate and romantic relationship with their partner...but we just like to imagine about it..no action..lol I certainly dont have any probs with my friends or even friends of opposite sex...but tend to be very shy and not movin at all when it comes to relationship.. When someone dont know much about me...they would simply say i'm arrogant..and of course it is not their fault..and im just grateful there are a lot of my frens understand me very well... I do believe that i have some artistic interest..(lol..maybe)..like travelling (alone...hahahaha),litte bit drawing, and musics but will they make anything in relationship.? Millions of times(or maybe hundreds)..i questioned myself..Why i'm like this?Could i change myself?..Why im not an extroverted guy?...Certainly i dun have the answers... ...lol i dont know y i do wrote this in here...just passing by my time... .....sorry for my english... Well being an introvert is such a pain…for me..where sometimes it can be hard to express my feeling..where the other partner would conclude or assume it differently…

Lets say that, an introverted guy having a crush with a gurl in class or anywhere they used to meet…(whom the girl is with normal personality)…It seems that the girl had shown keen interest with the guy..by doing wat should be done…but the guy??..not even making a single baby step towards the girl. fear,shyness,awkwardness and everything that is possible would come to the mind of the guy…lol certainly the gurl will lose interest sooner or later…

I would say that most introverts love to have passionate and romantic relationship with their partner…but we just like to imagine about it..no action..lol

I certainly dont have any probs with my friends or even friends of opposite sex…but tend to be very shy and not movin at all when it comes to relationship..

When someone dont know much about me…they would simply say i’m arrogant..and of course it is not their fault..and im just grateful there are a lot of my frens understand me very well…

I do believe that i have some artistic interest..(lol..maybe)..like travelling (alone…hahahaha),litte bit drawing, and musics but will they make anything in relationship.?

Millions of times(or maybe hundreds)..i questioned myself..Why i’m like this?Could i change myself?..Why im not an extroverted guy?…Certainly i dun have the answers…

…lol i dont know y i do wrote this in here…just passing by my time…

…..sorry for my english…

]]> By: JW http://livingintroverted.com/blog3/2009/03/04/can-being-introverted-hurt-your-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-3150 JW Sun, 20 Dec 2009 16:51:25 +0000 http://livingintroverted.com/blog3/2009/03/04/can-being-introverted-hurt-your-relationships/#comment-3150 @depressed roomie, I had to read your comment a few times before actually making a post of my own. The reason I had to read it a few times is because I can't believe how selfish your housemate is being toward you. It seems like his main motivbe in having you live in his home is so that you can take care of all of the house hold related issues, while he gets to come back home and enjoy all of the efforts that you have put into the house. He doesn't seem to care about you as a person, just what you are contributing to his home by taking care of all of the responsibilities. I can't believe that he went ahead and decorated the christmas tree by himself, after you helped him pick it out and you paid for it, and then asked him to let you know when it was time to decorate it. That just seems very cold on his part. I think in some cases, people who become roommates or apartment mates, or housemates, simply move in together because each person can't afford to keep up with the expenses of living alone. And in that case, their might not be a lot of social time spent together once everyone moves in, becuase everyone is clear that the living arrangement is just for financial reasons. But in other cases, such as yours, you rightly and reasonably expected that the two of you would socialize sometimes and at least be on speaking terms and that you would be comfortable sharing a living space with this person. I think the fact that you aqssumed one thing, and something else happened, is a glaring message that people need to know what is to be expected of them and what areas of the living space they are free to use, before actually moving in to someone's home. @depressed roomie, I had to read your comment a few times before actually making a post of my own. The reason I had to read it a few times is because I can’t believe how selfish your housemate is being toward you. It seems like his main motivbe in having you live in his home is so that you can take care of all of the house hold related issues, while he gets to come back home and enjoy all of the efforts that you have put into the house. He doesn’t seem to care about you as a person, just what you are contributing to his home by taking care of all of the responsibilities. I can’t believe that he went ahead and decorated the christmas tree by himself, after you helped him pick it out and you paid for it, and then asked him to let you know when it was time to decorate it. That just seems very cold on his part. I think in some cases, people who become roommates or apartment mates, or housemates, simply move in together because each person can’t afford to keep up with the expenses of living alone. And in that case, their might not be a lot of social time spent together once everyone moves in, becuase everyone is clear that the living arrangement is just for financial reasons. But in other cases, such as yours, you rightly and reasonably expected that the two of you would socialize sometimes and at least be on speaking terms and that you would be comfortable sharing a living space with this person. I think the fact that you aqssumed one thing, and something else happened, is a glaring message that people need to know what is to be expected of them and what areas of the living space they are free to use, before actually moving in to someone’s home.

]]> By: Lee Ann Lambert http://livingintroverted.com/blog3/2009/03/04/can-being-introverted-hurt-your-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-3147 Lee Ann Lambert Sun, 20 Dec 2009 11:16:13 +0000 http://livingintroverted.com/blog3/2009/03/04/can-being-introverted-hurt-your-relationships/#comment-3147 Depressed Roomie, First, I'm very, very glad you intend to follow through with your plans to move out, and I hope you are able to find a great place (with windows and a nice view) soon. Second, I just woke up, and tend to be very straightforward before the coffee's fully kicked in, but here goes: This guy is a jerk. Regardless of how great he was as a friend in the past, he's taking advantage of you now, and he doesn't care. He just wants a free house sitter. Actually you're better than free because he's making you pay rent. Get the hell outta there and don't look back! Now moving forward. Anyone would feel depressed and awful about the living situation you're in. You entered this circumstance reasonably expecting one thing, but you got something quite different and much less satisfactory. Even introverts don't like feeling as if they are being shunned, or banished. Please, please, please take some time to explore how this happened - your part in it. Not your part in him being a jerk -<em> that's all him</em>. Your part is not setting some ground rules beforehand, and waiting this long to decide to move, and being as accommodating as you have been. Please don't think I'm suggesting that you did anything wrong - you tried very hard to be a good roommate, and you gave him the benefit of the doubt - you're obviously a very kind and responsible person. Now be kind and responsible to yourself and work on understanding what you can do next time, whether its with a roommate, or a friend, or a co-worker, or whomever, to keep from being taken advantage of. There's a thin line between meeting in the middle and being helpful, and letting someone sit back, while letting you carry them. While you're waiting to get out, get out of the house and meet some new people. Make some new friends. You're in a new city, right? Go to church if you're inclined. Join a book club, join a gym, volunteer at the hospice, take a college class (semester will be starting in a few weeks), invite a co-worker to lunch. Sure you're an introvert, get out of that basement anyway. Go to the museum or a movie or the coffee shop. Go find a high school of college or church holiday concert to enjoy. Find a person or two or three to be around that make you smile and laugh or that have something intelligent to say. And for goodness sake, forget about offending your roommate. Don't purposely do things to bother him (although he seems bothered all the time), but don't hide away just to avoid him either. Your coping tools right now are going to be to get out and get some sunshine, or overcast cloudiness on your face, and to do things that are (gasp) social. Put on your favorite outfit and head out. I sure hope this helps. Your number one job is to take care of yourself right now. You know, if you find a new place and it won't be ready for a couple weeks, get out early and stay in a hotel for a while if you can afford to. Thanks for commenting, and thanks for pointing out that we need some coping tools for a situation like yours. I'm crossing my fingers that your next home will be a real home, with a kitchen, sunny windows, and room for friends when you feel like it. :) Depressed Roomie,

First, I’m very, very glad you intend to follow through with your plans to move out, and I hope you are able to find a great place (with windows and a nice view) soon.

Second, I just woke up, and tend to be very straightforward before the coffee’s fully kicked in, but here goes: This guy is a jerk. Regardless of how great he was as a friend in the past, he’s taking advantage of you now, and he doesn’t care. He just wants a free house sitter. Actually you’re better than free because he’s making you pay rent. Get the hell outta there and don’t look back!

Now moving forward. Anyone would feel depressed and awful about the living situation you’re in. You entered this circumstance reasonably expecting one thing, but you got something quite different and much less satisfactory. Even introverts don’t like feeling as if they are being shunned, or banished. Please, please, please take some time to explore how this happened – your part in it. Not your part in him being a jerk - that’s all him. Your part is not setting some ground rules beforehand, and waiting this long to decide to move, and being as accommodating as you have been. Please don’t think I’m suggesting that you did anything wrong – you tried very hard to be a good roommate, and you gave him the benefit of the doubt – you’re obviously a very kind and responsible person. Now be kind and responsible to yourself and work on understanding what you can do next time, whether its with a roommate, or a friend, or a co-worker, or whomever, to keep from being taken advantage of. There’s a thin line between meeting in the middle and being helpful, and letting someone sit back, while letting you carry them.

While you’re waiting to get out, get out of the house and meet some new people. Make some new friends. You’re in a new city, right? Go to church if you’re inclined. Join a book club, join a gym, volunteer at the hospice, take a college class (semester will be starting in a few weeks), invite a co-worker to lunch. Sure you’re an introvert, get out of that basement anyway. Go to the museum or a movie or the coffee shop. Go find a high school of college or church holiday concert to enjoy. Find a person or two or three to be around that make you smile and laugh or that have something intelligent to say. And for goodness sake, forget about offending your roommate. Don’t purposely do things to bother him (although he seems bothered all the time), but don’t hide away just to avoid him either. Your coping tools right now are going to be to get out and get some sunshine, or overcast cloudiness on your face, and to do things that are (gasp) social. Put on your favorite outfit and head out.

I sure hope this helps. Your number one job is to take care of yourself right now. You know, if you find a new place and it won’t be ready for a couple weeks, get out early and stay in a hotel for a while if you can afford to.

Thanks for commenting, and thanks for pointing out that we need some coping tools for a situation like yours. I’m crossing my fingers that your next home will be a real home, with a kitchen, sunny windows, and room for friends when you feel like it. :)

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