On Silence, Solitude and Being Alone
photo: rene ehrhardt
I found this great post on Zen Moments. It’s awesome – get over there and read it!
photo: rene ehrhardt
I found this great post on Zen Moments. It’s awesome – get over there and read it!
Wonderful quotes, especially:
“Loneliness is the poverty of self, solitude is the richness of self.”
May Sarton (1912-1995)
And because I am married to a kindred soul, I add two of our favorites:
“I hold this to be the highest task for a bond between two people: that each protects the solitude of the other.”
“Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other.”
Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926)
@ Radiant – Thanks for adding your own lovely quotes here – they’re beautiful!
You’re welcome, Lee Ann.
I’ve just spent a few hours here, reading older posts, following your links. I even called my husband at work to share a few of your insights (he’s an introvert in a cube farm and INTJ like yourself!) You truly have a wonderful site and there is much encouragement and wisdom to take away. Thank you so much.
I really must drag myself away now (by way of Amazon to order your book!) and play catch up on work, but I look forward to the next visit.
Best regards.
@ Radiant – Ack! Wait a week on the book. I just pulled it because I found a typo and it was driving me crazy! Hope to hear from you again soon!
if i outgrow shyness will i outgrow being introverted?
@ Brittany – Probably not. Introversion and shyness aren’t the same thing and aren’t really related. Extroverts are shy in about the same number as introverts, but they still have a deep need to be with other people – you can imagine what a difficult situation this puts a shy extrovert in! Introverts on the other hand just don’t experience that deep, almost constant need to interact with other humans – that’s why shyness and introversion get connected with each other and confused with each other. They sort of look the same, because we sometimes avoid being social.
Even if you grow out of being shy, your introversion will remain, unless you weren’t truly introverted in the first place. That’s not a bad thing – introverts have many gifts and can still function very, very well in the world!
Good morning, Lee Ann!
I’ve just spent another couple of hours reading. The “What Gifts to Introverts Contribute to Society” is a lovely, affirming message; and the post where you asked how people felt when they first understood themselves to be introverted brought back memories of great relief for me!
It wasn’t all that long ago, perhaps 3 or 4 years, that the MBTI showed that I was at 100% in the introversion catagory, and all I could think then was, Well, that does explain a great deal!
As an INFJ, it also explained why we’re often mistaken for extraverts (even by ourselves) while being truly and massively introverts. (That almost diametrically opposed auxiliary function of Fe, which makes us “feel called upon to render service to humanity in a very orderly and demanding way” does us in every time!) But it became clear that I had spent most of my adult life trying to live in a way that was both exhausting and, at times, infuriating.
Then I became ill due to a massive systemic allergic reaction to a prescription med and ended up housebound for almost two years with hypersensitivity to many things which had never bothered me before. Looking back now, I am so grateful in a way because I realized that I was meant for the joys of solitude to a far greater degree than I’d ever given myself permission to have. It’s also when I claimed my nickname to honor my newly found understanding.
And though I am more comfortable in my own skin now than ever before, it does a body good to find those who understand the nature of introversion, and who reject the view that it’s a condition in need of curing (an opinion all to common in my experience).
Forgive me for being so chatty (really, it’s not like me!) but again, it’s been a pleasure to visit your site once more. I’ll try to return to my usual quiet, lurking mode…or not.
@ Radiant – Thank you for your kind words. It’s true that it can be a bit of a relief to discover that one is an introvert – because it does explain an awful lot!
As horrible as it must have been for you to be sick and housebound for so long, I can understand why you are also grateful for the time to explore yourself. You were able to make use of that time productively, it seems.
I appreciate your comments and hope you’ll continue to share your thoughts.
@Lee Ann: Yes, it was a productive time, and a amazing journey.
You mentioned “Party of One: The Loners’ Manifesto” in one of your posts. That was the first book I picked up on the search for thoughts on introversion. Though the author’s anger did come through loud and clear, she also made some very excellent points which I found helpful at the time.
Have you read “Solitude: A Return to the Self” by Anthony Storr? His was the second book added to my collection. I appreciated that he was able to correct his own thinking regarding the value of those who engage in solitary activity to the exclusion (mostly) of interpersonal relationships. His respect was evident on every page, and did much to expand the narrow understanding of what constitutes human happiness and success in our extraverted, hyperconnected society.
Speaking of which, when would be a good time to try to order your book again? And should I go through Amazon or another vendor?
Kind regards.
@ Radiant – Anthony Storr’s book has been on my “to read” list for a long while – I just haven’t gotten to it yet! I will pick it up on my next trip to the library – thanks for reminding me.
The publishing company had a problem with my book cover (they lost the file or something?…), but it has apparently been resolved. I am waiting to receive my proof copy and approve it. Once that is done, the book will be back on the proverbial shelves. Should be next week. I will email you directly to let you know.
Thanks!