Life’s Small Troubles
photo: indiewench
This post isn’t about being introverted. It’s about being human and alive. So both introverts and extroverts are allowed to read this one. And other people too (those elusive ambiverts).
I’ve been thinking for the last couple days about disappointments, let downs, frustrations, conundrums, small crises, having things happen that make the you angry – all those things that are encountered during the course of a day, week, month or life. Not the big tragedies – that’s not what I’m thinking about.
I’m reflecting on things like knowing you need to leave a job because your boss and you just cannot find a way to get along or work together, the car breaks down, or you find out that you just overdrew (is that a word?) your checking account and there is a big fat NSF fee there that the bank helped itself to. What about getting a lousy grade in a class? Or encountering a really rude customer who you just cannot make happy? What about when a “friend” disses you, or when you’ve embarrassed yourself? These are troubles, yes. They are bothersome. They hurt and they cause inconvenience – sometimes BIG inconvenience. But they aren’t tragedies.
Sometimes we ruminate on mishaps, mistakes and misfortunes for a long time. We beat ourselves up. We get angry with others.
Sometimes people seem to brush off problems like this quickly, either ignoring them completely, or acknowledging them and moving on.
Some are our fault, some are not.
These are the kinds of things that can make day to day life on this planet hell if they’re allowed to – when they are given more time and energy than they should be given – or maybe even when they’re completely ignored.
We all run into small troubles. We all do idiotic things sometimes, and sometimes idiotic things happen to us even if we’ve done nothing to contribute to that circumstance.
I’m not going to offer affirmations or advice here. All I’m going to say is that one’s initial reaction to a problem, and how long one deals with the problem is up to that person. It’s all about perspective. It’s all about knowing what is important and what is being given more importance than it should be.
When you encounter a problem, where you are directing your energies? How are you finding solutions to the things you might be able to fix or a least improve, and what do you choose to shrug your shoulders about and say, “c’est la vie” to?
Perspective – there is always someone better off than you, and there will always be those who are in worse shape. Much of the stuff we let ourselves be upset about is stuff that we can’t do anything about. The rest is stuff that we can look for constructive answers to and do our best with.
It IS hard to find those few good friends; I keep looking and I’ve been fortunate enough to find three of them during the course of my life. No Gayle King/Oprah or Lucy/Ethel friendships, but close enough. It takes a lot of patience and, as you say, putting yourself out there and enduring a LOT of jerks. I always find, too, that I’m usually the “third best friend”, to quote a popular children’s book. I seem to befriend women who already have a close friendship and know how to form those ties. Sometimes I long for the Oprah/Gayle kind of friendship, but would I really like it if I had it? Or would it be too smothering?
You’re right – these things are molehills that easily become mountains. I think that the thing turning the molehill into a mountain is your thoughts on the subject. Example – “wow, she canceled at the last minute…I must not be very important to her… she probably is going somewhere with her boyfriend…why am I single…if I weren’t, then it wouldn’t happen, now what will I do…my afternoon is ruined…etc. etc.”
See? Your friend canceling just became something huge about YOU. It’s all from inside the mind too. My brain does this often, then I feel stressed out. Sometimes I notice I’m stressed and “backtrack” through my thoughts.
I like watching my brain’s thought-chains, because it’s HILARIOUS where my brain can start and end up. Silly creature with a life of its own
Good entertainment though!!
Does this make any sense??
Hi Lee Ann,
So many of our problems in life can be drawn down to the “little things”. We can get so wrapped up in the minutia of the moment we forget that tomorrow, our reaction will often seem silly.
I am always amused when I cannot remember the details of an incident I was so upset over a few days prior.
We cannot always change the stimulus, but we can choose how to react to it.
Great job!
@ Kim – I too, am the “third best friend”. It’s fine with me. Like you, I’m not sure I could handle the Oprah/Gayle type of friendship. That’s too much togetherness for me!
@ Kriti – Great idea to backtrack through thoughts to see where you started and why you ended up where you did! It’s a great way to take the strength away from all those mountainous molehills. Thanks for your thoughts here.
@ Roger – How right you are that we can’t change the stimulus, but our reaction is always our own choice!
Hi there,
I just wanted to say…thank you, thank you, thank you for this blog! North America could really benefit from reading more pro-introvert articles like these. It took me a very long time to learn that my introversion was a gift and not a curse. I grew up in an extroverted family and thought for years, that somethng was wrong with me because I wasn’t outgoing, talkative or the life of the party like they were.
I’ve lived abroad (in Germany, Austria and Japan) and found it really interesting that those cultures seemed to favor introversion. For the first time in my life, my introversion was viewed in a positive light…it felt so liberating!
I haven’t read your book yet…but I wonder if you’ve ever done any research or read anything that explains why this is? Is there just a higher percentage of introverts in these countries? Do conservative cultures like Japan that favor modest, quiet, organized and methodical personalities breed more introverted personality types? Or does it just seem that way since those are the character traits that are valued above all others?
Just to let you know, I mentioned you in an article I wrote about this (I have a blog that focuses mostly on travel-reated topics). http://reannon-takenbythewind.blogspot.com/2009/06/introverted-traveler.html
I hope more people visit your blog as a result! Thanks again!
@ Reannon – I have done very little research regarding introversion outside of the U.S. and western Europe. I do have a lot of readers from the U.K. and Australia. And also a decent number from some Asian countries. Then a sprinkling from the rest of the globe.
I’ve heard from a couple of my readers from Finland who tell me that introversion is much more “normal” there than it is in the U.S.
How introversion is accepted and valued (or not) in different parts of the world is an interesting topic – just not one that I’ve tried to tackle yet.
Thanks for you comment and thanks for mentioning my blog in your blog, which by the way is fascinating!
Just want to say that I’m enjoying your blog
I really like this post as well…I find myself getting upset about things and being angry/irritated about it for a few days. I felt angry because I felt stuck, like I was in a rut. I felt like calling someone to vent, but realized that I’d only be sounding repetitive. Then I realized that instead of complaining and walking around feeling bitter, I could be creating solutions to improve things that I’m not happy with. For three days of this work week, I was stressed out and irritated; today I just made up my mind to feel good, be positive, and enjoy the day. It felt so good and I’m always thinking, “Why can’t I feel like this more often?”