Question and Answer: Are Introverts Missing Out on Life?
The short answer here is no.
The slightly less short answer is that a person isn’t missing out on life because of his or her introversion.
To make the answer a bit longer, it would be that you’re only missing out on life by being introverted if you view your introverted personality as a liability rather than seeing the coolness and beauty in it and realizing that your introverted life isn’t going to look like the media’s portrayal of what a life should be – both because you’re an introvert and because the media does a fine job of making everyone – introverts and extroverts alike – think their life sucks because they aren’t as rich, pretty, busy, exciting, successful, sought-after, clean, dirty, saintly, evil, young or old as those characters that are made for TV and the movies. Neither is your introverted life going to look like your extroverted neighbor’s life (but seriously, do you want it to?). That stuff’s all on the outside anyway.
The problem isn’t with you being introverted. If you feel like you’re missing out on something in life, the problem could be that you don’t know for sure what you want and you’re not sure how to find out what that is and then how to get it.
Besides that, there is pressure to be like everyone else (because this makes other people comfortable – think about it). You might be doing all those things that you think you should be doing in order to not miss out, and in the process be missing out!
So maybe for some introverts the answer is, yes – you’re missing out on life. But again, it’s not because of introversion. It’s because you haven’t yet defined yourself and your life and honored that.
Here’s my caveat for the day: That definition of self isn’t going to be the same today as it will be ten years from now. There’s a flow to this concept.
If you’re wondering how it is that you would go about finding out what you want out of your life try blocking out all the outside stimulus and influences that tell you what you’re supposed to be and then give yourself some time to think about and discover what’s really important to you. You might have to try a few things. You might have to experiment and check out some uncharted territory. It’s OK. You don’t have to commit to any of it until you find what makes you feel like you’re living.
I’ve had so many discussions with narrow minded people regarding me missing out on life as I’m introverted and like to measure twice and cute once.
Ironically, in the end I’m the one who seems more happy and content with what life brings me.
What an amazing post, Lee Ann! There is so much here to identify with – especially missing out on my own life when I was wasting time doing things I thought I should, and doing them as an extravert would.
My own journey has given clarification into what it is I want to do at this point in my life. At the same time, I learned to rejoice and relax in my strong introversion.
I’ve never had so much time to myself before to reach my goals; to actually use the time well without letting guilt for who and how I am derail the process.
Actually defining both myself and the life I wanted to lead has taken longer than I thought it would. (I’d wandered far off my natural path!) At times, when moving from the Known to the Unknown, I felt lost…adrift. But, as you said, it does take experimentation and venturing into uncharted territory. When the goal is so important, though, it is well worth the temporary discomfort change brings. Right now, hardly a day goes by when I do not feel a wave of gratitude wash over me.
“Find what makes you feel like you’re living.” Well said, Lee Ann.
And I’m sorry for not popping back in sooner to thank you for your book. It proved to be very informative, encouraging, and well written, and is high on my recommendations list! Many thanks.
I like it, I like it!
I think living from the “inside out” (finding what makes you happy, then living that way) rather than “outside in” (figuring out what society’s telling you, then adapting yourself) makes so much more sense, leads to more happiness/peace, and is WORTH IT!
Great post! Life is a collection of experiences, and what introverts do is also an experience. Extroverts miss out on being introspective. I take on a number of solitary activities that I’m sure extroverts miss out on — reading, quilting, scrapbooking, to name a few. They miss out on the peace & quiet.
Very true. As Kriti said, living life your own way instead of someone else’s is much better. And besides, why would anyone want to get into the hype and drama of society anyway?
You, Lee-Ann, have my respect.
I think is doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. If you are ok with your introversion enough to not become a recluse then go for it. It seems that all the Type-A people are the one with the problems. They usually blow through all of their friends too fast and can’t be comfortable in their own skins. They’ll seek you out since you are the one whose left at home. But remember you don’t have to answer the phone nor the door…he he he.
@ Xen – I’ve had the same types of conversations. And I do find that when I’m doing what’s right for me, things are much better – how can I be missing out on my life if I’m doing what I need to do to make it fulfilling, right? Thanks for you thoughts.
@ Radiant – I like that you speak of the journey. For every person, it is a journey, and it can be a long one with lots of bends and twists. We learn a lot about ourselves that way. I’m happy that you’ve found a spot that makes you feel fulfilled. And thanks for the kind words about my book!
@ Kriti – And thank you! I often wonder how extroverts get through their lives living from the outside in – but they do it and it seems to work for them. I like it our way – from the inside out.
@ Vi – So true. I’d feel bad if I didn’t have the gift of deep introspection. But I suppose if I didn’t have it I might not miss it! It’s solitary activity that helps introverts to grow and thrive. Thanks for your comment!
@ Morpheus – Yes. I can do without the hype and drama for sure! At least the part that tells us what “normal” is.
@ Matthew – I’m with you on that. There have been plenty of times that I’ve screened my phone calls or politely refused invitations from people that I knew would just exhaust me.
“You think that I am impoverishing myself by withdrawing from men, but in my solitude I have woven for myself a silken web or chrysalis, and, nymph-like, shall ere long burst forth a more perfect creature, fitted for a higher society.”
~Henry David Thoreau
The answer’s a big obvious no since introversion obviously makes life a lot richer. Don’t get me wrong; I’m fine with those whose lives are enriched by being around people a lot, but introversion provides a certain unique outlook on life. Reflecting, when focused mostly on the positive, has added a lot to my life, and the extra chances to tap into my imagination and sometimes to drift helped me to be a kid when I was one.
Unfortunately things have fallen apart now and there’s a lot that needs to be healed, but before that happened there were certainly joys that introversion brought me.