Recently, someone wrote a review of my book that was, shall we say… crappy? I won’t go into the gory details. You can find it easily enough if you want to. The point is that I was really upset. I wasn’t angry, but my feelings were hurt.

I complained to my friend, who asked me why I’d written the thing, because, as she said, “Was the point of this book for you to garner praise from all corners of the globe? I doubt it. Knowing you, I’d be willing to bet you wrote it because you thought it would help some people by either feeling understood and validated as an introvert, or that their extroverted friends/partners/family would understand them better.”

She was right.

The point is that my feelings got hurt and I had a very bad attitude towards that book, the reviewer, and myself for a couple days. And then I realized that I was mad because I hadn’t gotten validation from someone for something I did (something that meant a lot to me). I guess what I got was reverse-validation. So that got me thinking…

Oddly, I don’t care what people think about my clothes, my choice of career, my fitness level, or my desire to party. But when someone (a complete stranger) criticized my book, it bothered me.

We’re all human, and regardless of how autonomous we are, and confident we are, and blah, blah, blah, we want to feel like we’re OK, and that what we’re doing is worthy. We want some validation, and sometimes we like it to come from outside of us.

As introverts, I think it’s possible that we struggle even more with feeling validated (or not) as worthy human beings. Society, our families, and even we sometimes give bad reviews to normal introverted behavior.

We’re humans, and personally, I think that there are going to be times for each and every one of us that we feel hurt or angry or whatever because someone dissed us. It’s part of the trip.

Sure, there are ways that you and I can guard against that, work to continue to build self-confidence and all that. And it’s right to do that, because no one should go through life feeling “less than”. But even the most together people have cracks in their armor.

Maybe it’s all about what you and I do with the arrows that manage to work their way through to flesh and bone.

I think it’s important that we start within ourselves with the process of dealing with, and of getting over those things that pick at hidden or not-so-hidden insecurities, whether related to being introverted or something else.

I also believe that some degree of validation is important to each of us, and that we each have our own personal weak spots, where a lack of validation or understanding really hurts.

Finally, I think that most of us (probably all of us) will have insecure places and moments and feelings throughout life, regardless of who we are, our status, or our personality style.

Aside from putting on the full body armor of I’m Perfect the Way I Am, and You Can’t Get to Me, what can be done? Can anything be done? Should anything be done? Or should we all accept that we’re human, be OK with it, and move on? What do you think?

By the way, my book isn’t Hemingway, nor is it Laney, Jung, or Vonnegut; so if you’re expecting that, don’t buy the book – seriously.

Oddly, since the bad review, sales have increased…

The point of the book wasn’t to become world famous and to have the President present me with a medal of honor. The starting point was to help myself get an understanding grip on my introverted nature, and then it became a way to try to help others get their own grip.

It’s a primer, not an answer. It’s based on my experiences and little things I’ve learned along the way that have helped me. The advice in it is my opinion. The book is self-published. The research I did was a survey that I developed, and that 120 helpful respondents completed – some who are reading this now. I have read several books written on the subject and many articles as well. Frankly, there has been precious little scientific research on introversion. So my book, in similar fashion to many other books on any number of topics, is a conglomeration of my opinion, my experiences, the experiences of others, and information gleaned from other works that has helped me in my own struggles with being introverted.

Thanks for reading – comments are always welcome!

 

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