A Book Review – Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture
For every introvert who has cringed during a worship service that was just too action-packed and noisy.
For every introvert who has considered a job in the ministry, only to have second thoughts about the grueling expectations of congregations who assume a pastor will be endlessly gregarious, outgoing, available, and always “on”.
For every introvert who has longed to share his or her spiritual gifts, but felt that being introverted made the prospect impossible, or at least difficult; or felt that the more extroverted members of the congregation didn’t approve of the quieter, subtler, more behind-the-scenes efforts of introverted members.
For every introvert who has wanted to find his or her place in the church, Adam McHugh has written Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture. And this is a book that is well worth reading.
Before I go further, I have to tell you all that while I have a spiritual life, and a deeply Christian background, I do not consider myself a Christian. However, I still know exactly what it’s like to go to church services and need a three-hour nap afterward – services that are filled with lively, jangling music, interpretive dance, shaking hands and hugging, followed by coffee hours filled with the ever-raising volume of voices socializing and sharing experiences from the past week and plans for the next, fueled by coffee and glazed doughnuts – I’ve been there. The spiritual community I belong to now has been known to throw Sunday morning shindigs just like what I’ve described above. For an introvert like me, that’s exhausting (and not terribly uplifting)!
I also know what it’s like to be encouraged (which feels so much like pressure) to join committees and groups, to attend meetings and events, and to feel too overwhelmed with it all to be able to follow through effectively.
I know what it’s like to try to do something, and come away feeling that because it’s not a grand, outward expression of faith, it’s not as worthy.
I don’t want to make belonging to or going to church, or regular spiritual gatherings sound horrible. These things certainly aren’t meant to be horrible. They’re meant to uplift and to provide a place where people of faith can work toward common goals such as social justice, evangelism, learning and education and/or other spiritual pursuits.
But often these places and these gatherings and the cultures that are created around them are nerve-racking and tiring for introverts. Many of us would love to bring the word “sanctuary” back to the forefront, and be allowed to worship and share our spiritual paths with others in a calmer, quieter and more reverent manner.
This is where Introverts in the Church steps in.
In his book, Adam S. McHugh addresses the dilemmas I’ve described and more. But above and beyond that, he gives introverted Christians solid information from not only a scriptural viewpoint, but a historical one that is both encouraging and empowering. And looking at the situation of present-day evangelism, McHugh offers more hope for introverts who want to worship, share their faith, and share their gifts in a more quiet and focused manner.
As an ordained minister and introvert himself, McHugh also relates his own personal experiences in the church and in ministry – both his trials and triumphs, in this well written and personable book.
Adam’s journey of ministry and evangelism is one that can be used as a positive example of how introverts can effectively share their faith, without betraying their psychological and physiological needs for solitude, space and silence.
Giving examples and stories from introverted believers and ministers, and wisdom gleaned from thorough research and experience, this book is one that every introverted churchgoer, lay-minister, and minister should read and study. This book should also be required reading for extroverted ministers and members of congregations, as a means for better understanding and harmony.
For those who are not Christian, there is still huge value in this book. Spiritual groups of all kinds often focus on outward action and outward appearances, forgetting that introverts have much to offer to congregations, and the means to provide other ways of sharing spiritual philosophies and joys with their peers and the public at large. I recommend this book highly.
Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture is available now for pre-order at Amazon.com.
One last note: Even though Adam McHugh and I have exchanged emails and I consider him a friendly acquaintance, I wouldn’t have given his book a good review if I didn’t truly believe that it’s worth reading. I would’ve made up some lame excuse to not review it at all.
For this introvert it became a question of finding the right church. It took me a great deal of time, much trial and error. Since I cannot bear attending crowded, noisy events, the megachurches were clearly out. It was as though they had to barrage us with an incessant clamor lest we begin to actually have a spiritual moment. Nor did I care for the churches who have Walmart-esque greeters there to welcome you at the gate. Always felt like a sales pitch. I’ve been fortunate to find a quiet, gentle church with a soft spoken priest and a interior focused congregation. I can be there fully without having to “be” someone I’m not. Interesting things begin to happen in a community of folks just being themselves before the Almighty. A nonverbal communication ensues. Love happens without words. Peace swirls through the silent presences standing with you. For an introvert like myself, it is the perfect combination of interiority and communion.
This is very interesting, thank you for writing about this. I’m in England, and most church services are quite introvert friendly here. Although I do dread the peace where you shake everyone’s hands, which is a shame because it’s meant to be a nice thing and I bet people would think I was odd for not liking it!
Daniel – Thanks for your comment. It’s inspiring to know that as you’ve pointed out, and Mr. McHugh points out in his book, that it is very possible for introverts to find their place in a spiritual community, to share their gifts, and experience a relevant, worshipful experience.
Hi Amy – I think it is mostly an American phenomenon where one finds that extroversion is assumed within a church community to be what is most useful for evangelizing, growing membership, and worshiping, but I don’t know that. I pretty sure that wherever an introvert is, the hugging and handshaking (as you mentioned), along with the greeters who grab at you at the door and force you to wear a name tag, as in, Hello, My Name Is…, are not customs that are usually well appreciated.
This does bring a point that Mr. McHugh made in the book to my mind, though. He notes that while churches should use care in submitting everyone to such rituals, the introvert also needs to stretch him or herself a little, not really to “fit in”, but because part of what church and having a spiritual life is about, is connecting with others.
Thanks for your comment!
I definitely want to read this book. Like you, Lee Ann, I am spiritual and technically still Episcopalian (recovering Catholic) but stay away from services unless I’m in a good choir because it’s too much – too much fragrance (I get asthma) or incense; too much sensory overload; too much constant activity without even enough time to think/meditate; and the “sign of peace” is absolute hell! I had considered going into the ministry and gave that idea up for the very reasons mentioned. Interestingly enough, perhaps, I’m a Benedictine Oblate and there is actually an online community for those of us too far from our monasteries (or choose not to go and endure all that community)-this introvert’s ideal community!
You rock, and I love the new picture
What about other types of services, like Buddhist ones? I love those – they are all about internal quiet and acceptance, and they tend to be quiet in theme (meditation, followed by a talk, some do something social like tea/cookies, but you can leave for that if you’re busy or not so inclined).
Some of these even integrate a lot of Judeo-Christian concepts, since that’s a common background that many in the audience can relate to. I highly recommend it, one in particular is the Insight Community of Washington Area, that I love: http://www.imcw.org/
Thanks
Hi Kriti, good idea about the Buddhist services. Now that you mention it, someone who wants to stay definitely Christian could check out the Friends (Quakers) as they have a meditative, quiet service also. I think there are a lot of possibilities out there for us introverts, but we have to look harder because they aren’t as obvious, as in “advertising” themselves.
Wow, this book looks great! I can so relate to it, being an introvert who studied for the ministry but found it rather painful in the end and didn’t end up going into it. I was the quiet kid in Sunday School (Lutheran) who was miserable because all the other kids were so loud and misbehaving. I thought I was just a goody-two-shoes, but no, I’m an introvert! (Maybe those two are one and the same? ha ha) I will try to read this book, and recommend it to my pastors and all my clergy friends.
My pastors and the church staff actually do a good job of talking about relationships in the church, and not just groups or community. They work to help members of the congregation (which is large–4,000 members) find their individual gifts and not just “fit in” where the church wants them to. This has made me feel good, at least, and I hope others in our church have heard that message. I’m a person who likes the traditional and contemporary worship services–quiet or loud, and even the sign of the peace as long as it’s brief and no hugs! But it’s very Lutheran to be a bit reticent, so I fit right in there.
Somewhere out there is a book on youth ministry where the focus is not only on the “youth group” but on building relationships with individuals whether they fit into the group or not. I read it for a Seminary class and it really struck me b/c I was the quiet kid who didn’t always fit in. If I find the book, I’ll come back and share the title.
The book I mentioned above is Effective Youth Ministry by Roland Martinson. Here’s the Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/Effective-Youth-Ministry-Congregational-Approach/dp/080662311X
Rollie Martinson was a professor of mine at Luther Seminary here in Minnesota. If I remember right, this book was very helpful to me in thinking about youth ministry to individuals (introverts or not), rather than just groups. Anyone out there who’s working in a church setting might find it useful.
My UU church has a Thursday evening meditation service and it’s pretty popular. The bulk of the service time is spent in silence. It’s a way to be in community with others without having to participate in singing, clapping, and so forth.
Since I became aware of Adam McHugh’s book I’ve been connecting with several blogs that have discussed it, and I began describing myself as the ultimate personality/church mismatch. I am an introverted Pentecostal, if such a thing was ever possible. Pentecostals have always been known for their upbeat, energetic worship style which involves loud shouts, grown men crying like babies, spontaneous dancing, and speaking in tongues.
I admit, at times I love those energetic worship experiences when I have the energy for them. Unfortunately, though, the quieter, reflective ones are too often criticized for being too hesitant to join in what the Holy Spirit is doing. The preacher never seems to understand that the Holy Spirit may be working something in me that is different from the person next to me. Nobody even seems to know I speak in tongues because I often do it quietly, in a normal tone, not to be heard above the rest of the noise around me.
Even though Pentecostalism has not been introvert-friendly, I choose to stay because I believe in the main tenets of Pentecostalism regarding Holy Spirit baptism, and I wish to balance out the extremes. When Adam’s book is released, I hope that maybe I can use it for a short-term special-interest Sunday School class.
One final note: No, we do not handle snakes!
Hey Kriti – Thanks! This is a great idea that would probably work quite well for some. Thanks for the comment!
Hi Lisa – Thanks for the information. There seem to be a lot of readers here who are also involved in church communities. Any information that is available to them will surely be appreciated. And if you do read Introverts in the Church, I think you’ll really love it.
Hi Laura – I am UU too. I think a service dedicated to meditation would be awesome! Our congregation is going through some changes right now, but I think I might suggest this for the future. Thanks!
Hi Paul – How interesting! Yes, there is the idea of Pentecostal services being very, very noisy, emotional and active – things that make most introverts cringe! I am happy for you that even though the atmosphere is sometimes at odds with your personality, you’re dedicated enough to your personal beliefs to stay. I will be interested to hear how your special interest class on Adam’s book goes. I think you’ll find that it’s well received and that you will have opened the door for new understanding. Thanks for commenting!
Hi Joana – I think you’ll enjoy the book. It’s a great read. I’m interested in your online community. I hadn’t thought of this at all – an online spiritual community. Do you find that it works well for you?
What a great book title and hooray for you for creating and maintaining this website. I have just reached the “end of the line” (for me, anyway) of the Episcopal discernment process and I do believe I was not approved for postulancy because my introversion was perceived to be a barrier to effective ministry. I have a Plan B that I think will fit much better in the long run, but it was great to run across a group of people that “gets it” about us innies.
Pax,
Gretchen
It was the discovery of this book a few months ago (reviewed on another blog) that has started me on a quest for an understanding of what it means to be an introvert. I started attending worship with a small, new community of faith a few years ago and it has been life-changing experience. But I still couldn’t understand why I often felt the need to run out of there afterward, why I preferred really small groups, why some activities that I love still felt draining. I am starting to figure some things out and put some pieces together. I think I am finally getting the picture that it’s okay to be the way I am. I am learning to manage my energy and need for alone time, and how not to let my need to live in my head prevent me establishing good healthy connections.
I just quit a job with a company I’ve been with for 15 years. I was an admin for a while, did some other things I enjoyed, then bang! Ended up in customer service through a reorganization and things just got out of control. I couldn’t deal with the constant noise, and was totally overwhelmed by having to fight a million fires at a time (and it was a technical, complex customer service position). I honestly thought I was going to lose it. I started working 10-6:30 so I could take my time getting there, and have 2 quiet hours in the evening. If I had understood that these were introversion tendencies, I might have considered seeking another role there. At any rate, I decided to make the break and start my own proofreading & editing service – a little more in line with who I am.
So I’m on a journey and extremely grateful for others like you who are willing to share your learnings. Looking forward to checking out your book and reading more here.
Hi Dianne,
Good luck with your career changes! Sometimes, we learn of our own introverted tendencies as the result of some sort of upheaval that makes us say, “What the heck is wrong with me?” Fortunately, there is nothing wrong with us, and things get better as we gain understanding.
Best wishes on you journey!