Stop Treating Me Like There is Something Wrong With Me!
This is going to be a quick post.
You don’t have to allow people to treat you like there is something wrong with you just because you’re introverted!
Now that I’ve said it to you, let’s all say it to ourselves together. Ready? Go!
I don’t have to allow people to treat me like there is something wrong with me just because I’m introverted!
Now let’s say it to each other.
We don’t have to allow people to treat us like there is something wrong with us just because we’re introverts!
You know, sometimes this foolishness with people having no desire to learn about introversion, but a willingness to focus on what they think is wrong and weird about introverts, just gets to me.
Thanks for reading.
It sometimes gets to me, too, Lee Ann.
Having just gone through a major upheaval (job change, move to another state) I’ve been a bit more sensitive and vulnerable of late. Caught myself the other day wondering what the heck was wrong with me (it was just one of those normal, human foible-type things) and realized that I still have to guard heart and mind against internalizing the introvert=damaged mindset.
Now that I’m settling in and starting to enjoy my new territory, I hope I can face the occasional ignorance-laden comment with calm self-assurance, not recriminations.
Thanks so much for the reminder!
Thank you for your website and great posts!! So many people either are ignorant or consciously oblivious of introverts needs. I find so many people who try and engage me when I obviously don’t want to talk with the “what’s wrong?” inquiries. Mostly when I’m just trying to work in peace. What’s wrong is you want to talk too much to me and I don’t! haha.
AMEN! Just educated a friend on this, and although she finally internalized the message, she was correct when she said society just doesn’t get it.
I’ll second that amen. We don’t have any affliction–we just see and process the world differently. Keep preaching!
I have found many introverts to be sensitive and very intuitive people. By sensitive, I mean an acute awareness and discernment of things others may be oblivious to. I am very proud to have this trait, and feel it is a useful gift in life. Yes, sometimes the extroverted personalities in my life do not understand why I prefer solitude, alone time, and quiet. This gives me time to replenish from all the external stimuli that sometimes bombards my nervous system. If others’ treat me with ‘pity’ because I am this way, it is their ignorance of the introverted mindset, and nothing else. As time goes on and I (hopefully) acquire more wisdom, I will not allow these smallminded spirits to bother or affect me. I am truly thankful for being an introvert. Actually, I feel that the introverts help keep order and peace in the world. Now, that’s something everyone should be so lucky to accomplish! March on with your heads held high!
I see this as the root of my houseguest problem – the people visiting me think anyone who isn’t gregarious must have a screw loose and that my quietness means I hate them. So they have whispered conversations about why they can’t seem to ‘make me happy’. Actually, I’m pretty low maintenance – I don’t need them to make me happy. I used to try a lot harder to be the person they thought I should be, but as I get older, I don’t want to pretend anymore. They can be who they are, I can be who I am. I don’t really care if they want to talk til they’re hoarse (which really did happen to one of my ‘guests’ recently), I just want them to do it somewhere else. Trying to turn me into an extrovert makes as much sense as me insisting that my left-handed husband become right-handed.
I cannot remember what book I read this in, it may have been The Zen of Listening by Rebecca Shafir, but there is a story about an introverted woman who moves into a new apartment and her neighbors are very out-going and talkative and are always stopping her to chat. Needless to say, she is not happy about it. She finally tells a neighbor that she isn’t really a talker and after that they don’t stop her to talk, they just wave when they see her and let her go about her business.
When I read it, I thought, I don’t know if I could be assertive enough to do that. But, I believe it is a good thing for introverts to do. Most people have been exposed (even extroverts) to people who are not talkative and enjoy quiet activites like reading, etc. I think others can understand a person’s personality if she/he describes herself/himself this way. Also, I think, usually a person notices if his/her conversation partner feels uncomfortable. So, if you state that you are not a talker, then, it is up to the other person to be kind enough to avoid engaging you in chit-chat when you have pointed out it is not your thing. Plus, I think an extrovert would rather chat with another extrovert who is actually enjoying the conversation.
Another thing I remember about the book is that the author did not like sleeping in the same room with her significant other. Please, someone let me know if you know which book this is. I think it was about listening, but I seem to remember something about increasing your energy, so I may be combining two books.
If the person you are trying to explain your personality to is a little dense (”what do you mean you don’t like talking, how can someone not like talking?”), you could ask them if they like opera (or any other activity). If they say no, then you can ask them if there are people who do like opera. Since there are people who do like opera (and, in fact, devote most of their lives to opera) this can illustrate how people can like and dislike different things. Also, you can point out that people can like things a little or a lot. I might like to listen to an opera on the radio on a Saturday afternoon, but I probably wouldn’t spend the money to see a live opera. Also, for another example, I might sit down and watch a little baseball with my husband, but I don’t really like it enough to watch an entire game. Maybe then they can understand how you like to have short conversations, but then want to go do something else for a while.
You can reassure them that you like them as a person, but you aren’t crazy for the activity of talking. I don’t know if I would substitute the word ’socializing’ for ‘talking’, even though it is more accurate, because that may be harder to understand. After all, we monkeys are innately social creatures, in that we live together in families, communities, towns, and cities. A true hermit that lives alone, in isolation, and depends solely upon herself for survival (I’m talking living off the land and off the grid) is rare.
I’m introverted and am also proud to confess to having a screw somewhat loose but the too are not necessarily linked!
Well said Lee Ann.
Being pestered to go to our section Christmas function. Lady organising it thinks she can persuade me by promising to sit with me so ‘I don’t feel threatened’. Very sweet of her but I’d simply rather be at home with a good book, some music and a glass of single malt.
THANK YOU, Lee Ann. This is something I really needed to “hear.” Been fighting the good fight at work, trying to get people to understand why the constant “sewing circles” and “tea parties” around my cubicle really have got to stop. The one person in our office who I do regard as a friend is at least TRYING to understand, so I emailed him a couple of links about introverts and got this response: “Stop it with the introvert shit. I relented already. “Look at me, i hate people.. I am a INFP-TROUS-LMNOP.” I get it you are a freak who hates people.” I think he’s trying to be funny but I also think there’s a dig in there. Why do people have to be like this??
It’s kind of funny to me (in a not really funny kind of way) that extroverts act like introverts are the self absorbed ones, when THEY are the ones so busy talking they don’t notice they’re driving us nuts! I have an acquaintance who will go on and on literally for hours, if you don’t take control of the situation and LEAVE. I’ve been held hostage (trying to be nice) for the last time. She does this running monologue thing, like she’s terrified by silence, or maybe charmed by the sound of her own voice. I don’t think she even cares who she’s talking to (at?), as long as she’s talking. Never notices my eyes glazing over. It’s amazing to me that my relative who thinks I’m so strange for not needing constant company thinks this particular woman is charming and the two of them talk so much I feel like I’m drowning. Some situations I’ve had a hard time getting myself away from, like the houseguest dilemma. But I refuse to “socialize” this way – it basically requires me to pretend to be interested in conversation that goes no deeper than “How’s the weather? Don’t you look nice? What did you cook for dinner last night?” for hours. And I won’t do it anymore. So if that means something’s wrong with me (in their eyes), I’m fine with that.
I recently took an HSP Introverts worst nightmare of a job – as a cashier. Ugh. I had to quit after one month.I took the job because I needed any kind of work. I worked with gregarious, loud and aggressive 20 somethings. I was as nice and polite as pie, but was totally not respected for the introvert I am. One co-worker alluded to me having a mild form of Asperger’s and said something about my bad mood affecting everyone else around me. I couldn’t work in the methodical way I am accustomed to – 2 particular outgoing co-workers would jump in and answer questions before I even had time to think about an appropriate response to a customer’s question. They were so into the team thing it drove em crazy! I was just ruminating over what happened and feeling bad about myself when I checked your website and remembered there’s nothing wrong with me.
I left this job feeling more disappointed than ever in my fellow human beings. I really hate that because I have worked so hard to communicate effectively with extroverts. I find it easier to do one-on-one, which I was able to do in my former job. But, whenever I’m in that group dynamic, I feel I get no respect and am treated poorly because people make so many quick assumptions about me. It hurts. Sorry to sound so negative but I am trying to process what happened to me at this job – why I walked in being nice and polite, yet left feeling bullied. The bad memories are also causing me a lot of anxiety and self-esteem issues.
Have any of you other introverts ever felt like you’ve been judged for working more cautiously or methodically than others? Do others seem demanding in terms of time pressure or getting things done quickly? The multi-tasking, high performance jobs just drain me. I used to work from home for a service business and did just fine. Since I was layed off from that job, I’m really struggling to find an environment I can manage.
I’m in sort of an odd situation. I work as a receptioinst…. Luckily I’m part-time and it’s usually a quiet office. Even with those two things working for me, I’m drained by the time I get off. I worked for many years as a switchboard operator, which for the most part I was reasonalby comfortable with, as I mainly just had to transfer calls. I wound up where I am due to downsizing.
I do sometimes hear comments about how quiet I am and/or how fun and outgoing my predecessor was. Admittedly I often have a lot of difficulty engaging in the kind of genial small-talk a receptionist is typically obliged to engage in. Some days are better than others in that regard. But even on days where, for some unknown reason, I can do the small-talk thing pretty easily, I find I get tired of the sound of my own voice, and I get a sort of surreal, unpleasant, almost light-headed, feeling. It’s exhausting.
I know I’m viewed as stand-offish, but I really just want to do my job and go home. It isn’t that I don’t care – I do care about other people. But I know my own limits and what I have energy for. All it takes is one salesman to use most of what I have.
I like my job well enough, but I, too, wish it was a better fit for my personality. I tell myself it’s good for me because I have to make that stretch every day. But, having made that stretech, I really want my solitude when I get home. Not neighbors and houseguests wondering why I’m so strange.
I have never allowed people to treat me like there is something wrong with me just because I’m introverted. I wonder if I would struggle less if just allowed them. I doubt it. I am starting to think I am a better person because of it.
In response to Kristen, I know exactly how you feel. You probably would have been my dream employee. I sort of fell into retail management even though I would rather do something else. I wasn’t really educated, trained, or skilled in anything specific. I have always struggled in the field even though it has been somewhat enjoyable and I feel I have done excellent work. I have now been unemployed for almost two and a half years probably because I have no experience in anything but retail; and retailers have so many extroverted applicants to choose from. I have been on about fifty interviews in the last two years and not had a single offer. Only one of those interviews was not for retail or sales. Pretty much all stores that hired me in the past did so reluctantly and were expecting less than satisfactory performance from me. Most were able to see and appreciate my strengths in areas that others lacked. Many tried to use me in areas that suited my strengths and personality (mostly behind the scenes). Luckily I was never assigned to high-contact areas like the front register or commissioned sales. I wish I could transfer these skills to something with a regular schedule that would allow me to have balance in my life.
There was one, however, that still absolutely disgusts me eight years after I worked there. I get so upset just thinking and typing about it. The store manager and the assistant store manager refused to see anything good about me just because I would rather work than socialize. These two ladies were both extremely extroverted. They got offended if I only talked to them periodically and not every single one of the hundred times I walked past them. They constantly criticized and berated me. They would then gossip and laugh about me at my expense with other store employees in the middle of the store. They would consider it rude for me NOT to interrupt them while they were talking privately. They said they wanted me to come up to them every day and ask them what to work on. Being a self starter was frowned upon. They didn’t understand the concept of perception. They didn’t know how someone could learn things without asking lots of questions. I once tried to compromise with them and they liked the idea of me working on my weaknesses, but said they had absolutely no problems they needed to work on. I even tried acknowledging my weaknesses while pointing out my strengths to them. They agreed wholeheartedly with the weaknesses but said I was mistaken on my strengths. They were also the two worst listeners I have ever met and that says a lot considering my mom’s side of the family. I don’t think they were ever on the same wavelength as me. I think the thing that they hated about me so much was the fact that I absolutely refused to acknowledge introversion as a communication problem or a personality defect. I was not the least bit ashamed of whom I was. I had no regrets about my performance or behavior. I feel they were purposely making my work life a living hell so I would quit.
I try to see being forced out of the company as good thing because that company went bankrupt a couple years later. It also led me to my next company where I had a nice supervisor (and she was introverted too).
In response to John -
I’m sorry to hear your story about these two women berating you for just being you. I have a hard time accepting that some extroverts will actually despise us just for being introverts, even if we are nice and cordial.It seems to me that if you are respectful of others, they should reciprocate.
I really had a hard time demonstrating my strengths in the retail environment for the following reasons:
-Learning how to do things was dependent on being highly social. You had to listen to what other people were saying, or watch how they solved problems, or how they answered the phone and transferred the call. Now, I’m very observant, but when I’m busy doing another task, I can’t focus on 10 different conversations happening around me. I’m focused on that task and cashing out that customer. So there was this sense that you had to be omnipresent to understand what was really going on. The extroverts also chatted with other employees in different departments and had a better “big picture” view of how everything worked in the store.
-Communication through walkies.If I had a question to ask the Supervisor or manager, it had to go through the walkie. So, I had to communicate efficiently. No time to really think through what I”m saying and no face time. And everyone in the store can hear the question. It just made me feel uncomfortable.
-Too fast-paced and too stimulating. Several different people talking at once, constant activity, the never ending soundtrack of 80’s music in the background, Supervisors observing you, impatient customers…too much for my introvert/HSP nature. I found it hard to think and therefore I wasn’t problem solving to the best of my abilities. I couldn’t really focus or concentrate well. My senses were hyper-aroused. Not a good feeling.
I left that job with no one really knowing who I was. Even though I feel I put myself out there and was friendly.
-
Hi Kristen, you and I have had a very similar experience. I also worked as a cashier a couple of years ago, and essentially the same thing happened to me. I put up with little comments from a couple of other coworkers trying to make me feel like I didn’t know what I was doing. There was one extraverted coworker in particular who really got on my nerves because she would make little comments about how I did my work. I knew that I did my work to the best of my ability and I never got any negative comments from my managers, but this extraverted coworker observed the fact that I went at a slower pace than other people and also that I wasn’t as outgoing as everyone else, so she tried to torment me because of my personality. I hated working around her because I knew that she was a negative person. The one time I got fed up and said something mean to her, she loudly tried to reprimand me for my behavior, when she was the one who wouldn’t keep her nose out of anyone else’s business. There’s no easy way to deal with someone/people like that, because the only people they take seriously are themselves, while at the same time, they try to make other people feel like crap. There was just no winning with this individual. I am still ruminating about that experience, because I did my best to keep to myself and not cause any trouble while working at that job, and I get so angry at the fact that I had to deal with that coworker and that I ended up losing my cool with her. It feels like I will never get over the experience. I’ve been depressed over it, and sometimes my boyfriend will ask me what is wrong and I don’t want to keep telling him about this experience. He has tried to be understanding but after a while, I know he gets annoyed.
I forgot to add that that experience that I had working as a cashier is one of the main reasons why I don’t want to go back to doing something like that again. I am not working right now, and I definitely need to find a job, so if a cashier job came along again, I would probably do it just to get a weekly paycheck, but I really wouldn’t want to do it again. As of right now, I really want to do proofreading or something that I can do that doesn’t require a lot of other people to be involved, because I don’t want to deal with every body else’s personalities and trying to get along with people who don’t respect me or my personality.
I think proofreading is probably what I should be doing, too. It’s something I’m good at – even my teenage daughter has told me she thinks it’s what I should do.
Your experiences reminded me of a situation I was in nearly 20 years ago that still makes me angry when I think about it. I worked with a woman who CONSTANTLY talked about her personal life, mainly problems with her spouse and children, and even her sex life (as if the whole office wanted to know). Her job was secondary to her running her mouth about her own life. I always pretended to listen, as I was a captive audience and needed to get along with her. I rarely shared anything about my own life unless I was asked direct questions, largely because it was nearly impossible to get a word in edgewise, and also because I didn’t like her enough to give her any personal details. I knew she was so self-absorbed that she had no real interest in me or my life. Then, my husband was in a car accident that required months of physical therapy. I mentioned this to my coworker because it was a big thing in my life, but I mentioned it ONCE. She promptly went to our supervisor and complained that I talked constantly about my personal life (can you say “projection”?) and I was reprimanded. I was “turned in” for daring to take the spotlight off of her one time. I have not been the same since. I still share very few personal details with anyone. I was burned badly enough that I will not let it happen again.
Laura, your story actually reminded me of a situation that I experienced on another job before the cashiering job. A few years ago, I worked at a dry cleaners. It was definitely a close knit working environment, with only a handful of employees. People talked to each other about their personal lives and stuff like that. I didn’t mind the working atmosphere because I felt comfortable around the other employees and I also talked about things that were going on in my life. But at some point, I started to get annoyed by a couple of the other employees, and they were actually the two employees that I had been closest too. That was a tricky situation because of the close knit working environment and the importance for everyone to fit in and get along with each other. So if I didn’t feel like talking to someone, it would have seemed like I was being mean, selfish, and standoffish. But what I realized is that sometimes people just need a break from each other’s personalities, especially in a very small, suffocating work environment. So, one of the coworkers was used to me being the nice, accommodating type who would listen to whatever he had to say. He complained a lot about the job and talked about his personal life. I also talked to him about some of the events going on in my life and also sometimes complained about the job, so I didn’t fault him for doing that, too. But what I did get annoyed with was the fact that he would complain about stuff but then never do anything differently. He seemed to love to just complain for the sake of complaining, and it was habitual behavior for him. He also didn’t want to accept help or advice from anyone else, so what was the point of having any sympathy or understanding for him. So one day, I got fed up with him and I told him that I DID NOT want to talk to him and I told him that the reason was because I just didn’t want to hear him any longer. Well, off course my new attitude seemed mean to him and he accused me of being hard to get along with. He made it seem like I was selfish. Maybe I was being selfish, but at the same time, I had simply had enough of him and his personality.
The thing that really irked me about that situation was the fact that I was accused of being hard to get along with, even though I had always been an understanding person, especially to this coworker. For the most part I am willing to listen to what others have to say, but there are times when I just want to be left alone, and there are times when I might be having a bad day and I don’t necessarily want to be around other people, and I didn’t think it was fair for anyone to judge me as being difficult because of a human need to simply be left alone, sometimes.
Thought you’d enjoy this article. It certainly resonated with me! I have already sent it to friends in an attempt to explain my introvert preferences:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/irene-s-levine/the-inside-scoop-on-your_b_345805.html
Great, a Washington Post article on the attacker at Ft. Hood has repeatedly described him as “being introverted,” “having no friends,” and his colleagues were uncomfortable with his “solitary work habits.”
The stupid, it hurts.
There is nothing wrong with introversion; it is not a symptom of mental illness. Psychotic people are psychotic. They might be introverted, but they do bad things because they are psychotic. Why is this so hard for people to understand? This kind of mindset where introversion is blamed for violent crimes is terribly bigoted. So disappointing…
Thanks, Glen – and you’re right, it’s disheartening, disappointing, and so typical of our culture (here in the USA) that extraversion is “good, right, normal” and introversion is all of the opposites. There are extraverted people who commit terrible and/or violent crimes, too – and not all of them are psychotic – many of them are sociopaths who are not wired to have any sense of morals or ethics. Ted Bundy comes to mind, particularly; of course, our (USA) press wouldn’t pick up on that; we claim to like independence in this country, but what we really value is conformity. Anyway, there is nothing about introversion that predisposes anyone to violence. And of course, extroverts would see anyone with “solitary work habits” as being “abnormal” and having “something wrong” with them.
Picking up on what Laura, Kristen, JW, and some of the others have said about work experiences reminds me of many of my own. I started out in retail and have spent a good deal of my (younger) work life working with the public, and while I enjoyed some of it, I hated other aspects of it. I think the retail aspect depends on what kind of retail place it is/was. One of my favorite jobs was as chief cashier on a military post in the Package Beverage Store. I had a great deal of contact with people, but the overall mood of the place was relaxed, the bosses genial, the music muted, and there were quiet times in between where one could work in the back with inventory, stocking shelves, or doing the daily reports. I don’t know that I could deal with being a cashier at some of the huge stores today. I’m an HSP to boot, and there are whole stores I won’t go into because of audio or sensory assault (music, scent, etc.). It’s interesting to me that in my current line of work, medical transcription, that we’re still expected to be very involved at meetings and to be excited to attend office parties, etc. Medical transcription, billing, tumor registry, and such are full of us introverts.
@Joana, yeah, it definitely depends on what kind of store one is working. I remember I was a bakery clerk, several years ago, at a small, family owned Italian bakery, and I have to say that that was the best cashier job that I have had, to date. It was a small, pleasant working environment. It wasn’t a particularly busy environment, the main customers who came into the store were the regulars, and they were mostly middle aged. There were a couple of times when my personality became the topic of discussion, amongst a couple of coworkers, but for the most part, it was a great place to work. I have also worked at bigger stores like Dunkin Donuts and my most recent experience was at Marshalls, a retail store that had heavy customer traffic and very little privacy within the workplace. That job was exhausting, and that’s the job in which I had to deal with that nightmare of an extravert coworker who could never mind her own business.
I also agree that there are many extraverts who commit violent, criminal acts. Many times they are the ones who display sociopathic behavior. I’ve read that many narcissists tend to be highly extraverted. So while people are talking about how awful, selfish, and weird introverts are, they need to realize that people who are extraverted and highly extraverted are sometimes the ones to look out for, especially the ones who love to ingratiate themselves. They might seem nice, friendly, and outgoing, with a ready smile and compliments, but that doesn’t make them good, decent people. A lot of people fail to realize that.
I have learned not to let them. I’ve found it funny at times when supervisors have said something to me about supposedly being passive–they’ve found out at that very moment that I am decidedly NOT passive. Of course, since I’ve learned more about being an introvert I’ve been able to help them understand rather than just dispute it.
Empowering. It’s definitely not easy being introverted, especially when your environment just won’t yield to understanding. Let me say that I’m weary of explanation.
Hi all,
I read this interesting article on the “Psychology Today” website about “shyness.” The author talks about how society has become even more aggressive and how difficult it can be for “shy” people. Although, I think the article is somewhat biases toward extroversion, I found a lot of value in it. It used to be ok to be more quiet or “shy.” People might have thought it was odd, but overall, I felt people eventually accepted me for who I was. And, I would become more like the quiet, wise nice sage in the group. Within the last 5 years, it seems to have changed. Now I encounter a lot of hostility and abuse. And, I notice this more with younger adults. If you want to read the entire article, here’s the link:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200001/shyness-the-new-solution
“The New Cultural Climate”
It is no secret that certain technological advances the Internet, e-mail, cell phones — are changing the conditions of the culture we live in, speeding it up and intensifying its complexity. This phenomenon, dubbed hyperculture, has trickled down to alter the nature of day-to-day interactions, with negative consequences for the shy. In this cultural climate, we lose patience quickly because we’ve grown accustomed to things happening faster and faster. We lose tolerance for those who need time to warm up. Those who are not quick and intense get passed by. The shy are bellwethers of this change: They are the first to feel its effects. And so it’s not surprising that hyperculture is actually exacerbating shyness, in both incidence and degree.
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Another effect of hyperculture is what I call identity intensity. Our society is not only getting faster, it is getting louder and brighter. It takes an increasingly powerful personality to be recognized. We see this in the emergence of shock jocks like Howard Stern and outrageous characters like Dennis Rodman. People have to call attention to themselves in ways that are more and more extreme just to be noticed at all. That, of course, puts the shy at a further disadvantage.
We are also undergoing “interpersonal disenfranchisement.” Simply put, we are disconnecting from one another. Increasingly, we deal with the hyperculture cacophony by cocooning — commuting home with headphones on while working on our laptops. We go from our cubicle to the car to our gated community, maintaining contact with only a small circle of friends and family. As other people become just e-mail addresses or faceless voices at the other end of electronic transactions, it becomes easier and easier to mistreat and disrespect them. The cost of such disconnection is a day-to-day loss of civility and an increase in rudeness. And, again, the shy pay. They are the first to be excluded, bullied or treated in a hostile manner.
As we approach the limits of our ability to deal with the complexities of our lives, we begin to experience a state of anxiety. We either approach or avoid. And, indeed, we are seeing both phenomena — a polarization of behavior in which we see increases in both aggression, marked by a general loss of manners that has been widely observed, and in withdrawal, one form of which is shyness. Surveys we have conducted reliably show that over the last decade and a half, the incidence of shyness has risen from 40% to 48%.
So it is no accident that the pharmaceutical industry has chosen this cultural moment to introduce the antidepressant Paxil as a treatment for social phobia. Paxil is touted as a cure for being “allergic to people.” One of the effects of hyperculture is to make people impatient for anything but a pill that instantly reduces their anxiety level.”
I think a lot of what is said above except the part about Paxil and, generalized, to other antidepressants. Paxil is NOT a cure for being “allergic to people” – I can say this both as an introvert and as someone with diagnoses of depression and panic disorder. I think Paxil can serve to lessen anxiety in those with what is called “social phobia,” but then, so can many other medications, including Wellbutrin and Xanax, among others. I find myself rather angry that the pharmaceutical corporations are trying to market good medications like Paxil to people who really don’t need them, perhaps, just to increase market share and to make more $$$ while they can (before it goes generic). Anyone with true anxiety/panic disorder absolutely wants medication that quickly reduces one’s anxiety level, but the word “instant” does not describe Paxil or any other antidepressant, as antidepressants take at least 10-14 days to start working in the body and up to 6 weeks to become fully effective. A far more quick remedy is something like Xanax, Ativan, or other benzodiazepines. The body does develop a dependence on these medications just as it does with many other categories of medication, but things like Xanax are very short-lived in the body. I feel really angry with the pharmaceutical industry, and with the politicians and lobbyists who decided that it was ok to advertise medications in the media in this country – their greed is showing, not their care for those who truly suffer from depression, anxiety, social phobia, and other disorders.
As a music teacher, I have had my contract not renewed at schools because the principal thought I was not outgoing enough, not enough of a people person, etc. The problem is too many people think that a music teacher should be extroverted. I have known very successful introverted music teachers, but one of the keys to their success is they are accepted by supervisors so they can keep their jobs and have years to develope their programs. Oposite to the principals wanting me to be extroverted is the students who instinctively know I am not an extrovert, and think I am a phony when I try to be (forced to be) something I am not.
I just quit a job because I was tired of being picked apart by someone who just didn’t get it. (http://pandionna.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/in-defense-of-introverts/)
After I wrote it, I was wondering if anyone kept a blog or website devoted to introversion, which is how I landed here. Thank you for speaking up! Or, shall we say, writing up?
Hi, thanks for your blog, Pandionna – how do I subscribe so I can get it on my Google page?
Read this: http://www.thepopularclub.com/index.htm
I thought it was a joke at first. Disgusting.
You’re right – it’s thoroughly disgusting, sick, and a lot of other things that I don’t have bad enough printable words for! Talk about a shallow, egotistical person! Spare me!
I’m interested in everyone’s exeriences as “introverts in the workplace”. Years ago I chose a profession tailor made for introverts, and it has served me well for most of my career. The problems have come since “being part of the team” as become the rigor in the business community. I enjoy contributing to the team effort. I would just prefer to do in my office, not in a conference room with 20 other people. As an introvert, I need my space and my solitude to really do my best thinking. Also, as a perfectionist I want a chance to clean things up (including my thoughts, ideas, and words) before I show them to others. I’ll be glad to share my thoughts after I have don’t that. This has me labeled as “not a team player”. It seems that inspite of our educating others about our introversion and our wishes to be respected as such, perception is everything. In addition to being an introvert, I am older than everyone else in my department. I’m perceived as “unapproachable” by the younger folks. this ends up on my performance appraisal as something I must improve. I guess the rules of engagement are that if we are in their sand box, we must play by their rules.
Lynne
Yesterday, I am regretful to say that I did officially receive a more harsh backlash from my coworkers, dubbed the “fake friends” in other posts regarding my office party, which Im really glad I missed more than ever after being targeted with their catty, two faced behavior.
There was a going away pizza and cake party for someone who was going on to another job. I contributed money to the party and had every intention of attending. But since we are closed until Monday, so my deadlines for my work were that much more tighter. So I had an issue with my project that had to be submitted as 1pm during the party. So I thouht that I would just grab my pizza and go back to my desk, and others did that too, and come back since I didnt know she was opening her gift at that very second. No one had communicated that with me, yet me and one other coworker got alot of flack for it anyway. They didnt even care to tell me what the plans were, so tell me why they cared so much if I were there or not. Even when I was at the party, all they did was completely ignore me so that doest make sense. But Two girls were meanly commenting how we could at have least stayed there and crtisized us for doing our work like we were suppossed to do and they had NO right to come down on us for that.I dont know who they think they are.
I know I shouldnt let it get to me, but I have felt this scrutiny coming on for some time now from coworkders not approving of how diligent and focused I am at work and now it was laid out there.It makes me angry and upset since i have demonstrated respect and kindness to them. I have even helped them out with their work in my down time. And this is what I get? To be picked on because they are so insulted about having to step out on their last minute party for 10 minutes?
The issue is that I mostly do keep to myself and focus on doing my work to the best of my ability, as that is why I am there. I am not there to win a populairty contest and nor do I even want to fit in with people like this anymore. They have given more reasons not to care.
These hurtful comments are coming from the employees who just dont understand what it means to be professional and do not value their jobs at all.They do NOT work and just gossip, party and socialize all day long, and my quiet diligence and dedication ( which is not lost on my boss)does make them look bad and makes me look good, so I know they are threatened by my success and looking for any way they can to bring me down, so now Im taking the fall for it and so tired of it all.
@Amy, I’m sorry to hear that you are going through that petty nonsense with coworkers. The ones who socialize and gossip the most are usually the ones who have an issue with more serious minded coworkers. And they will tend to use any excuse to try to criticize someone else’s behavior. But that’s their problem, not yours. I know that it can be frustrating though, since I’ve been in the same boat at a couple of different jobs.
Once again, I want to express how happy i feel to know that other people have been treated the same way and have had the same challenges.
Its also sad that I have had the same issues with my neighbors as well as my coworkers, meaning that I have nothing nothing but be quiet, respectful and extended myself to be as nice and friendly as I could,but both parties have found a reason to scrutinize for being ” rude” or standoffish or that Particular person, and Im so tired of it, so tired that I just dont have in it me to care what they think..its just been a wasted effort even when I have made attempts to fit it and make friends. I just got to move along, go to work, be polite, get my paycheck and thats it.
Hi Amy, you’ve basically learned the survival trick for the average introvert in the workplace. There are certain things that take time to learn, and for us introverts, unfortunately, not fitting in is often one of them if the work environment is full of extraverts or has a team mentality that means noisy/out-front participation in groups, etc. I have this even in the relatively introvert-friendly field of medical transcription. It’s best not to make friends at work, anyway – too many complications and politics. Find things you enjoy doing and make friends that way is far more safe emotionally and politically. Try to learn to brush off, mentally, what other people might think. It’s hard to learn, but you’ll go crazy otherwise. Hang in there! You’re among friends here.