Introversion gets confused with a lot of things – many of them negative. It’s not only extroverts who get confused – we do it too. The following is information that you can find in my book, but it’s useful to have it here, too.

Introversion is a lot of things to be sure, but it’s not:

Shyness – Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shyness is its own animal and affects both introverts and extroverts alike. In the survey that I conducted, of 117 participants, 45 reported being shy according to the description that follows. That’s 38.5% of the survey respondents. Fifty-five said that they were not shy and 17 said they were not sure. All respondents answered the question.

For the purpose of the survey, I defined shyness as the emotionally painful condition of wanting to interact with others, but being afraid to, or not knowing how to, thus avoiding social situations, where one might have to speak, make eye contact, or otherwise draw attention to oneself.

Introversion is usually confused with being shy because introverts may tend to avoid social situations, especially if they are already feeling drained. The distinction is this: introverts will avoid social situations when we are in need of rejuvenating ourselves, or when we simply don’t want to be bothered with socializing. Shy people avoid social situations because they are afraid of being judged or embarrassed in a social situation. Extroverted shy people may continue to socialize heavily, but will experience a great deal of trepidation and pain in doing so.

Introverts generally do not like frenetic activity and noise, so we do tend to avoid noisy, high-energy situations much of the time. An introvert who is not shy is not afraid of being in social situations. We can meet and greet, chitchat and rub elbows with the best of ‘em when we feel like doing so. But too much socializing wears an introvert down. Eventually we disengage and start to avoid further contact until we can give our brains some rest from all the outside stimulus.

Misanthropy – Misanthropic behavior denotes a hated or mistrust of humankind. Considering that introverts love their families and friends, volunteer to help charities and causes, do nice things for their neighbors and their communities and feel bad when they hear of the misfortunes that beset other humans, we cannot be group-labeled as misanthropes.

Antisocial Behavior – According to mentalhealth.com, “Antisocial Personality Disorder is a condition characterized by persistent disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood. Deceit and manipulation are central features of this disorder.” Sounds sort of like misanthropy to me.

You can see that people who are antisocial are those that are very disruptive to society, often violent, often ending up in prison or worse. I think when people talk about introverts being antisocial, what they mean is that we don’t seem to enjoy socializing. We might be non-social, which to the majority of the population is amazingly ridiculous because after all, who doesn’t enjoy socializing day and night? Well, introverts don’t. It all goes back to too much stimulus and not enough alone time.

Timidity – To be timid means to lack courage or bravery. Consider Mahatma Gandhi, Dwight Eisenhower and Elie Wiesel. These famous and introverted history makers were not timid, and certainly didn’t lack courage. Both introverts and extroverts, famous and not famous, perpetrate brave and courageous acts every day.

A Lack of Self-Confidence – This follows in the same vein as being timid. Introverts tend to keep their own counsel and be pretty private. We don’t say a whole lot and we keep our distance until we feel very, very comfortable with a person or a group. But that does not mean we lack self-confidence.

Confidence has to do with one’s own opinion of one’s abilities. Confidence has to do with the will to try new things. Confidence has to do with how one estimates his or her resources when it comes to working through a problem. Clearly, introverts and extroverts alike can posses a great deal of self-confidence, or very little.

Rudeness – It is easy to see why introverts are sometimes considered rude or aloof. Frequently when we speak, we share our thoughts in a very succinct and straightforward manner. We might skip the sugarcoating that others tend to use, and because of this might seem a bit rude. This is not intentional. We are no more or less rude than the extrovert next door or down the street.

We may also be confused with being rude when we insist on our alone time. When noise and silliness overwhelm us, we back off, and to some that is considered rude, or being aloof and standoffish. The problem with making these assumptions is that they conjure up negative feelings – such as the impression that we are purposely avoiding talking to someone or going to their party because we do not like them or feel superior to them. This is unfair because when an introvert needs distance, it simply means that we need distance.

It’s important to note that any introvert will eventually become impatient with a conversation that drags on needlessly (in our introvert’s estimation). We tend towards having few words, preferring that others have few words as well. While we try to remain polite and accommodating, our minds may wander or we may start to feel desperately like escaping. A smart introvert will hone his or her skills at being conversational when necessary and of course, will always listen politely until he or she can gracefully remove him or herself from a conversation.

Mental Dullness – The idea that an introvert is mentally dull or slow could not be further from the truth. In reality, introverts are a generally highly intelligent and highly creative group. The introvert’s innate ability to concentrate, analyze, solve complex problems, and think deeply, combined with excellent long-term memory and a deep sense of creativity makes us a highly capable group. According to Linda Kreger Silverman, PhD, “About 60% of gifted children are introverted compared with 30% of the general population. Approximately 75% of highly gifted children are introverted.”

Mental Illness – Mental illnesses are biologically based disorders in ways that are similar to diabetes, heart disease, cancer, and any other illness are that can beset any one of us at any time. Mental illness or the predisposition to mental illness does not come with introversion. Some will point out that people with mental illnesses often become withdrawn from society, and this is certainly possible. That withdrawal most likely has much more to do with the symptoms of the illness itself and the stigma that is placed by the uninformed on the mentally ill, than an introverted personality.

If you’d like to find out or remind yourself of what introversion is, click here, and here.

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