photo: dprevite

It’s almost mid-August and we’re moving into my favorite time of year. I love late summer and fall. I love the way things sparkle (don’t ask me how they sparkle, they just do). I love that the air changes, and for a few months, I do too. I become more relaxed and something in me softens. This is my time of year. Now it is – but it hasn’t always been that way.

It’s also back to school time. And solitary introvert students everywhere are plodding toward another school year filled with noisy halls, and noisier school yards.

Introverted college students are preparing for another year of being invited to intolerably large, loud and drunken parties, or of trying to avoid the pitfalls of “fitting in” and plotting to spend hours in the library hiding out.

No, it’s probably not really that bad. But I can distinctly remember disliking my noisy elementary school classes and even recess with all the other children running wildly in circles (what were they doing?). I had a couple friends that I hung out with – we’d sit quietly somewhere and look at the clouds or pick at the grass.

High school was a minefield. Should I fit in or be an outcast? Was I quiet, and if so, what was I doing in the school play (I did like being in the drama club)? Worse yet, what was I doing as a cheerleader (yes, I was – I hated it, but I was trying to fit in!). Why was I hiding in my room again? Why did I have so many friends if I was an introvert? Truth is, I didn’t have that many – I was just trying to fit in.

College was great for me. I waited a year after high school, enrolled in community college, got a job and my own little apartment and I was in heaven! I didn’t party with the people I met in college, and because it was a community college, I wasn’t living the dorm life, which was huge in terms of avoiding noisy neighbors and people I didn’t care to know.

Which brings me to the main topic of my post: The introvert at college.

How can I be an expert here? I just told you that I had my own apartment and went to community college. I didn’t do the dorm life, frat party, drink ’til you puke, stay up all night at an all-dorm slumber party thing. But I’ve had a couple great readers who do go to college now – as in move there, stay in dorms, deal with classes that have 300 students per lecture, avoid others in the dining hall, college.

And I’ve learned something from them: Making quality friendships (the kind introverts like) in that environment is tough!

So I’ve pondered this. In a university setting, how should an introvert go about making some quality friends?

Actually, a college, large or small, is pretty much a microcosm of the rest of the world. The extroverts are out there doing what they do and the introverts are rolling their eyes and trying to find a peaceful spot to rest for a moment in.

The rules for making friends in college can be just about the same for making friends in “real life”. Maybe not kindergarten or even 10th grade real life, but in the real life that students will move on to once college is behind them. The life of moving for a job (or love), and having your friends move away for jobs (or love). The world of commutes, changing departments at work, new neighbors or no neighbors, a different clerk at the supermarket every time you shop, is similar to what you find in college.

In real life, as in college life, you have to find a couple anchors or places that remain at least somewhat intact, at least for a while – venues where a common interest or need is shared. This might be a spiritual group, or a book club. Maybe it’s a hobby or art form that brings you together with like-minded people (some of whom will be introverted, and some, extroverted). Perhaps it would be a study group that gets together one evening a week for the semester.

Leave your dorm room open during move in time, and allow your neighbors to introduce themselves. This doesn’t mean you have to be available to them all the time, but you might meet someone you like!

Maybe making a friend in college (or in real life) is as easy as smiling at someone and saying hi. As easy or as difficult.

What suggestions can you, the readers, share with those who are working on creating a quality social network at college?

As always, thanks for reading and for sharing your thoughts! I am glad there are so many insightful people who are willing to pipe up and comment here!

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