photo: StuSeeger

Introverts want to have friends – at least most of us do, even if it’s only a couple good friends. We’re not really into the idea of collecting a long list of names just for the sake of knowing lots of people. We prefer to cultivate a few quality friendships, even if we have a wide circle of acquaintances (for extroverts, acquaintances are friends; for introverts, acquaintances are acquaintances).

Friends serve a somewhat different purpose for introverts than for extroverts. For introverts, friends are a source of occasional companionship and support, and a way to have an interesting conversation. For extroverts, friends are a source of energy. Regardless, even introverts are human and humans are social animals (some of us more so than others). We like to interact with our kind from time to time and we like to form meaningful bonds.

Thoughts to Ponder:

• Staying at home as much as possible could have a dampening effect on making new friends.
• Consider joining groups, organizations, and clubs that are related to your interests or things you might be interested in (you can quit later if you change your mind).
• When seeking out friends, don’t let others tell you that you have to go and be and do everywhere and everything all at once – ease into it.
• Remember that introverts prefer quality friendships over quantity – if you’re looking at it the other way around, check to see if you’re really an extrovert posing as an introvert.
• While the Internet is a nice way to make friends from far and wide, it’s always good to have a couple friends who you can actually have lunch or a beer with once in a while.
• Learn the basics of socializing, small talk, listening and body language.
• Don’t worry if you feel clumsy – sometimes just sharing a sincere smile and using some basic courtesy works to start a conversation.
• Know your boundaries and don’t be shy about enforcing them – people who want to hug you without your permission will suck the life out of you.
• Remind yourself to get out of your own head every once in a while so you don’t miss something (perhaps a new friend).
• Making friends with other introverts isn’t always easy, because we’re so naturally reserved – but it’s definitely worth it to try.
• If you’re trying to make friends with another introverted person, approach them in the way you’d want to be approached (this is a real mind twister because sometimes we don’t want to be approached, or view approachers with suspicion).
• Don’t worry if your efforts don’t work on everyone – friendships are like any relationship – sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t.
• Stop telling yourself that you’ll never have, or that you can’t develop, good friendships because you’re an introvert – just recognize that we do it differently and that the relationships we develop might not look the same as the relationships that extroverts develop.
• Speaking of extroverts, they can make very good friends.
• Be aware that extroverts approach friendships from a different angle, and their expectations might be different. A smart extrovert will get it when you say that you’re not interested in doing certain things.
• Maintaining friendships requires participation – if you aren’t going to participate, the friendship will break down.
• However, you’re not required to participate like an extrovert does – you are required to participate like an introvert would – an introvert who is a friend. If this one doesn’t make sense, it’s because we’re all different. But you’re really not going to have fun in a friendship if you put undue pressure on yourself to be overly social. Nor will you have fun in a friendship if you don’t help maintain it and it disappears.
• If you’re a die-hard loner to the bone, disregard this post.

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