photo: celebdu’s photostream

What introvert out there hasn’t been accused of being rude? We don’t say much sometimes. We can be rather stoic and our emotional responses are often very low-key compared to an extroverts. We don’t like having attention unnecessarily called to us. We don’t like it when strangers (and sometimes people we know) try to hug us, and we pull away from people who are clingy (physically, emotionally and socially). Most of us have been looked at as being socially awkward at one time or another (which can be mistaken for rudeness).

But those things aren’t rudeness. They are natural ways of being and natural reactions for us. The accusation of rudeness comes from extroverts who don’t understand what introversion is and aren’t sure why we’re not as exuberant, demonstrative, talkative and excitable as they are.

So we’re not rude. Not by doing introverted things.

But, there are rude introverts (and lots of rude extroverts, too) out there and I’m here to suggest that if you’re using your introversion as an excuse for ignoring basic polite behavior, then you’re a rude person.

Here’s how to be a polite introvert – not a rude one:

• Don’t ignore people. Other people are humans, too. And humans (even introverts) want to be acknowledged, even if it’s with a nod of the head and a small smile.
• Saying thank you is good. I even say thank you to the crew of a plane I’m disembarking from (even if the landing was crappy), and especially to people who have been rude to me (I suppose this might be for karmic revenge purposes – if there is such a thing as karmic revenge). But what I mean is that if someone has tried to do something nice for you or has provided a service to you – say thanks.
• Remember that extroverts like to be the center of attention. When you’re the center of attention, people will assume that you want them to make a big deal of it. Try to allow this to an extent. It can give others great joy to try to give you great joy by making a big deal out of you (twist your head around that!).
• If someone is talking to you, pay attention to what they’re saying. Try really hard at this, because we forget to listen, sometimes opting for planning an escape from the current boring conversation (by the way, extroverts do this too, but they forget to listen because they are thinking about what important thing they can interrupt with). You will want to make an occasional effort at joining conversations as well.
• When people try to hug and touch you without some sort of permission – well, you can draw the line on politeness there. If you need to, a straight-arm move does wonders for warding off huggers and touchers.

Use each of the above listed politeness pointers in moderation. We wouldn’t want to be accused of being extroverted or wear ourselves out listening to endless conversations (seriously, that’s very draining for introverts).

Hey! Don’t forget to read the book and then go review it on Amazon (unless you hate it – if you don’t like it, just pretend you didn’t read it).