photo: notsogoodphotography

When I got married last fall, my husband sang Coldplay’s Green Eyes as I walked up the aisle. I was particularly grateful to my husband for doing this for a couple reasons, the first being that it took some of the attention away me. Even though I can handle being the center of attention, it’s never been a favorite situation of mine. The second reason I appreciated this so much is something that I realized after the fact – he meant what he was singing.

For those of you unfamiliar with the song, you can listen to it here, or you can just read this little piece of the lyrics and get where I’m going:

Honey, you are a rock
Upon which I stand

Those are the first two lines. The second verse starts with:

Honey, you are the sea
Upon which I float

Now if you’re still wondering why I’m telling you about my wedding and the song, it’s because my husband is an extrovert. He also possesses a great amount of personal strength. But when it comes to which one of us has the stabilizing effect on our household and our lives, and when it comes time for him to seek out someone to lean on, it’s me. He thinks I’m strong, stable, calm and capable.

I’m not writing this to give anyone the impression that I’m some sort of calm, rock-like, always Zen super hero. People who know me well, my husband included, know that I can lose my cool (which I in fact did, the day before the wedding when I completely fell apart for an hour or so). But my introverted nature is such that I rarely lose my grip, I very rarely panic (I’m not sure I ever panic), and I very rarely get flustered when situations get stressful. My first instinct is always to remain calm, and to figure out what the next smart step should be. I’ve been told by many people I know that they appreciate that I am always so calm (little do they know). This is a common trait among introverts – the ability to remain calm on the outside and guide themselves and others during moments of chaos.

Does this mean that we don’t get worried, frustrated or nervous? No. It only means that because our focus is inward anyway, our focus during stressful moments is going to be inward, too. This means we look calm and stable on the outside, and usually act fairly calm and stable, even if the brain is busily chewing on the problem or crisis. I think extroverts appreciate this because they tend towards demonstrating and vocalizing their stress, and we provide a foil for that.

I have to make this one point clear, though: introverts can lose their composure. It’s more likely to happen if we feel like we’ve been backed into a corner, or we’re really angry, or if someone has overstepped, one too many times, the boundaries we’ve posted. I would like to add that calmness and that oh-so-rock-like air can come with maturity, too – for both introverts and extroverts. But as a group, we’ve got an advantage because our usually authentic calm exterior and our adeptness at working through complex problems inside our own heads, comes pretty naturally. Even young introverts demonstrate this ability.

So, we are often rocks. And we’re calm seas. And I think that’s a gift, both to us and to those who need a stabilizing influence in their lives.

If you’re wondering if my husband did the song justice, the answer is yes. If you’re wondering if I have green eyes, the answer is yes and no – they’re hazel and look green or blue depending…

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